Move In Issues & Venting

Well. It's quarter to 10 at night and I'm pretty much finished. A 15 hour day. Very sore legs. And a quickly developing case of homesickness. Yes, it's certainly move in day. And I am sure as hell glad it's over. It's been a heck of a day and I'm going to abuse today's post and I'm gonna get a little negative on you tonight. I need to vent for a minute. Where should I begin?

Let's go with the most common issue, Homesickness. Common and hard to overcome, everyone, no matter what, misses the regularity of home. I miss my dog. I miss my mattress. I miss my family. I even miss hearing my little sister's music through the walls at all hours. Instead I've traded in those comforts for a musty room, a faintly urine-scented hallway, a randomly assigned roommate, and the high-pitched squealing girls next door. Safe to say, my dorm isn't exactly what I had been hoping for. And I admit it. To you, and God, and everybody, I miss home. I want to go back to familiar smells and sounds and showering without shoes on. I want my clean bathroom and my mom back.
Luckily, homesickness to the first-day-degree usually fades after a week or two. It rarely comes back in such full force to rear it's ugly head. I know I'll be over all of this (for the most part) soon. But it's just hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel for now.

My second issue is the aforementioned Roommate. A very nice girl judging by our conversations. Of course we've said maybe 50 words to each other in total. I know, I know, time will help and we'll be better friends eventually. But I really question that philosophy. I'm still not the biggest fans of my roommates from last year. I just hope I don't walk in on this one doing-the-do like I did last year (twice!). Not an experience I would like to repeat again. Back to the point, she and I already seem to be at odds, purely based on the fact that we are insanely different people. We come from two very different sides of the world. Literally, she is from China and I'm from a small beach town in New Jersey. A VERY big difference if I do say so myself. We're both very quiet people, so that part is really nice. I just feel at odds with the rest of my floor, since most roommates are people who are already friends and know each other pretty well. And yet here I am friendless with a stranger for a roommate.

Which brings me to my next issue, Friends and the Lack Thereof. I am a very introverted person, I hate trying to be social. It's painful for me to go out of my way to talk to someone. If I could just fast forward through that and just become friends with them, I would in an instant. That's not to say I don't have any friends at all. But I really only have one at AU who I'm remotely close with. I don't know anyone on my floor exceptionally well, I sort of know a couple of people through College Republicans, which is a step in the right direction. I just don't want to make the same mistakes that I did last year, and end up befriending the wrong people. Don't get me wrong, the group I ended up being friends with last year were all very nice people. But they partied too much, smoked even more, and became a very bad influence on my life in a lot of ways. Ways that I will recount another time, but just can't get into tonight. But they molded me into a person who I didn't want to be. It scared me. And I'm still scared that I'm going to have a repeat of that again this year, a mistake that I can't afford to make again.

And on the topic of mistakes, I come to the fourth and final issue for tonight's venting session, my Relationship. Now, I want to keep my relationship private, but I've got more than my fair share of fears for my relationship. After spending a lot of time together this summer, this is the first time that we are far away from each other for an extended period of time. For the sake of privacy, all I can say is he will be across the world in a few days, 6 hours ahead of me. So we're taking a very solid, but still somewhat new relationship, and sending the people in opposite directions, roughly 4,760 miles apart. Then limiting communication to realistically, about 3 texts of conversation per day, and little to no time to Skype or call. And keeping this up for a three week to three month stretch. While, I usually wouldn't worry about our relationship, it's fair to be a little nervous about such a distance.

45 minutes later, and I'm practically falling asleep on my laptop, I think it's time to close up for now.

Tomorrow I'll be back up writing more and updating plenty of things on the blog. I'll also be posting my daily workouts on my Tumblr!


Writing to you from M, Personally