In a list of the things I am bad at but will need as an adult, time management is numbers 1 through like, mostly everything. I'm ashamed, but I will admit it. I am capital b-a-d BAD at time management.

In high school and elementary school, I used to work better with a busier schedule. Wuth school, and work, and me being an awful blogger, my schedule is definitely busy. But I'm starting to figure out that it's not necessarily the busy part that helped me function better, but the fact that I had a regular schedule. My classes are pretty regular so that's nice, but my work schedule changes week to week. I plan homework around my job, so I have to plan blogging and attempting to start a podcast around both. Plus occasionally sleeping, something that  haven't been doing nearly enough of over the past few weeks.

I finally sat down with myself to hammer out some rules to set up a routine that I can actually stick to.

1. Set a Bedtime Full nights of sleep are 100% essential to being productive and making the most of your day. You can't be at your best when you're doing the slow blink until 2 pm. When I'm really exhausted, I can't talk, I can't think, I can barely focus my eyes! I need to make sure I have a time when I turn off the lights, the music, and especially the phone! I'm super guilty of facebooking long into the night, and it's really terrible. Get your 8 so you can concentrate! (Oh look how witty!). My goal is to be in bed by 10:30 PM, and asleep around 11. That way I have a little time to read or meditate before 100% lights out.
Tip: Wear a sleeping mask! I never used one until college, where my roommate would be up at all hours with her desk lamp on. That thing was like the freakin' sun! My mom sent me a sleeping mask and it was weird at first, but now whenever I put on my mask, 99.9% of the time, I'm out in minutes! I used the NAME OF MASK. It's a good starter one, it's not super tight on your face and it has a shape, so it doesn't sit on your eyes too much  I always take mine off in my sleep and end up laying on it. Going on three years with it and still holds it's shape!

2. Set a Shut Down Time Yes, this is different than a bedtime! Your shut down time is a set time every night where you stop working and just relax. Since I often have to work closing shifts, it's a little tougher. But on non-work nights, I would put away homework, textbooks, blog work, and editing at a certain time. I got this idea from Estee Lalonde, who puts (LINK VID) away all her work at 7 PM. I don't think 7 is realistic for me, judging by the amount of work I already have. I'm going to start with 9 and see if I can slowly push it back earlier, while still getting my work done. I do have a bit of an additional limit, since I'll have to be done before work on my late nights.
Tip: Set alarms! Have a 30, a 15, and a 5 minute warning alarm, just to remind yourself that it's coming up to your shut down time. Make sure to keep that within earshot, but out of sight! Watching the time tick away is either going to make you feel like time is dragging, or like you have extra pressure and stress.

3. Workout Let's be honest here, how many of us say we just don't have the time to workout? Don't worry I do it too! Whether its a quick stretch or an afternoon on the running trails, any workout is a good workout!
(Legally Blonde Endorphins gif)
While we aren't being convicted of murder (I hope!), working out will release endorphins, making you happier and more relaxed when you sit back down to your work. When I'm feeling extra stressed, I go for a run, no matter what the hour. Whether it's yoga or body combat, or both, it'll help you refocus your mind on the important To-Dos while helping you let go of the little what ifs. Plus, it really does help when you get frustrated, being able to just walk away for a while and not think about a paper or homework or whatever.
Tip: Schedule your workouts to hold you accountable! Paying for a gym membership or a class makes you a little bit beholden to going, if you can afford it. If you're in college, try one if their fitness classes, you'll definitely be accountable if you're getting graded on it! Scheduling a time with a friend every week to workout together is great too, no one likes to cancel on friends.

4. Stop Multitasking I am super guilty of this, especially during freshman year of college. All my friends would watch Netflix while they did homework, so I figured I would too. Two seasons of Gilmore Girls later, it was 4:30 AM and I had gotten zero homework done. Or I would try to research for a paper and do math homework at the same time. Or I would eat and do homework at the same time. I would try to do two things at once, and end up getting nothing done. The best thing I've learned regarding improving time management is do things one at a time. Dedicate your full focus to your work, and you'll be able to get it done more efficiently than if you tried to do ten things at once. Cut out distractions, put on white noise or classical music, something you won't dance to (guilty again!). I would suggest Spotify's studying playlist OR

5. Get an Agenda If you take only one thing from this post, let it be the word PLANNER is big sparkly bubble letters. Get. A. Planner. It's the best thing ever. Not just for writing down when you have to call mom, but scheduling time for specific things. You might have to try out a couple different books to find what works for you, it's definitely a learning curve. I like having one big to do list and an hourly block for my day. On the To Do list, I can write down my assignments, things I need to do at home, things I need to buy, and what ever else I want to put. I like having the hourly break downs of my day because then I can actually see when I have free time. I can block out when I have work, when I have class, when I have free time for homework, when I have blocked time to write/record/edit.

6. Reward Yourself At the end of the day, sometimes you just have to treat yourself. When you finish an assignment, or a major section of reading, or just hit a breakpoint after a good amount of work, don't be afraid to close your laptop, walk away, and just veg for a little while. Be careful though, writing one paragraph doesn't warrant a two hour Netflix break. My goal is usually to finish one assignment or one chapter of reading and then take a 10-15 minute break. Use an alarm to remind yourself and don't get started on anything long term on your break rewards! This is the time to play with your dog, toss in laundry, grab a quick, healthy (!) snack or just walk a quick lap around your house/floor/apartment to get the blood flowing again. Keeping your nose to the grindstone for 6 hours nonstop is just going to get you angry and exhausted. Let your brain relax every now and then!


So those are my five tips for improving your time management skills. I don't pretend to have mastered these skills, so I'm working on improving at the same time that you are! But after all that, I'm off to go finish up my homework, got lots to do before my shut down time tonight! In the mean time, let me know what your best tips are for improving time management! And until next time,

Coming to you from M, Personally

College Life Life Lessons

6:00 AM

It's been a while hasn't it! After making a lot of big decisions, I decided that I ought to take some time off from everything go focus for a bit and give myself a reset after everything that happened. If you weren't around then, let me fill you in on everything that's happened..

In June, I decided to transfer colleges. I had been thinking about leaving American for over a year, but I wasn't mentally ready to make the move until after my sophomore year. Being so late I didn't have many options as to where to go. After some thought, I decided that the local community college was the best option for me while I was in limbo between "regular" colleges. So I pulled the plug on American, unpacked all my boxes at home, and had a little meltdown.

Transferring was hard for me. More so mentally than anything else. It was hard for me to say that AU wasn't the best fit for me. My own pride made it very difficult for me to go from an academically great school, to a community college. I was so excited to leave my town and what was a semi toxic friend environment, that it was a huge hit to have to come back home and go to OCC for the year. Back in June, I thought I was coming back like a wounded dog, head down and proverbial tail between my legs. But after two or so months of thinking about the situation, I've really started to come to terms with it.

I had taken the summer off to keep everything lighter, focus on myself, my jobs, and my goals. And it was great. I went full force into planning everything. Usually, I get a little overboard with that, but this time it actually worked to my benefit. Like I mentioned in my Quarter Life Crisis post, I started to realize I wasn't happy with my life. Fed up with it, I decided that I was going to change it all. Over the past two and some months, I've changed my major, my goals, and my entire mentality. And my room, which I am loving, by the way. Now instead of working towards a good job and a good life that'll provide me with a decent future, I'm throwing, like, 90% of caution to the wind and diving head first into my true goals.

Back in 2006, I was ten years old. That was when YouTube began. Not only the spur to a cultural revolution, I was enamored with it. Over the years, I watched a lot of Phil Defranco, a lot of What The Buck, and a lot of iJustine. I thought YouTubers were the coolest people. They worked for themselves, they were brave enough to post on the internet, and they had fun jobs. It was the first time I had seen someone who really enjoyed their jobs and I wanted to do it. At ten I said I wanna do that, but I'm too young, too shy, too poor, and most of all, I was too chicken, just like everyone else said. I know, I was a really positive child. But I held that mentality up until this past June when I looked at my life, kind of hated it, essentially said 'Eff This' and moved on to do what I wanted. It's my life. Why was I letting myself take a nap in the passenger seat?? I jumped up, took the wheel, and decided to drive my life where I wanted it to go. Metaphorically, of course. If we're being honest, this whole epiphany thing happened at like 2 AM over a tub of ice cream while crying. We all have lows, okay?

So that's where I am now. I'm starting a YouTube channel. I'm effing terrified, but I think it's going to go well. I have a lot to learn and plenty of mistakes will be made, but it's gonna be fun, right? I'll have all, like, three of you dear readers to support me along the way, so I'll give you the skinny on the whole deal now.

My blog is going to stay like it is, a generally unfocused lifestyle blog. I've always posted what I felt I wanted to say, and that won't really change much. I'm going to try to stilt it a little more towards the college lifestyle niche, but again, I post what I like to write.

My channel though, will be focused on college and my college journey. As a transfer, I have a unique opportunity to share my journey with you all. There isn't a lot of information online about transferring, at least that I could find, and I felt like I could help fill that gap. I felt like videos would be more natural, more personal, as opposed to just words on a page. I want to be able to share my experience with others, and I want to create a space where others can share theirs too.

The one big change will be a bit of rebranding. With the new revival of the blog and new dedication to the potential future of all of this, I feel like it's time for me to take everything to the next level. In the coming weeks I will be buying my URL and instituting a new theme with a new logo. I was hoping to have everything done for the relaunch, but it just wasn't feasible for me. So hang tight, thing's might be a little funky for a while!

So, all of that being said and done, here I am, at the edge of the diving board into a pool. And for the first time in my life, I have the courage to jump in head first. Not just with the blog or the channel, but with life in general.

The first video **should** go live this Friday so be sure to follow and like all of my social media below, and don't forget to subscribe! Until next time,

Writing to you from M, Personally

A Regular Post College Life Life Lessons Real Talk YouTube

9:39 AM

Hey there everybody. I've been gone a while. But I think it's time we had a pretty serious chat. This post has been pretty tough to write, but putting it off does no help for anyone. Some parts were easier than others to write. The what to say wasn't bad, but the how? That was the more difficult part. I kept trying to hammer it out, but it just wasn't happening. So I did what anyone would do. Packed up a bag, went to the southernmost point of LBI, sat down and wrote it out, pen and paper style. So here goes.

Photo Source

As I'm sure you all know, the past year as been incredibly difficult for me in quite a few ways, but especially academically. I'll save myself the trouble of typing it all out and you the boredom from reading it all. In short, I fucked up. Real bad. And I brought it back. In one calendar year, I moved my GPA from 1.05 to 2.35. It might only be 1.3 points, but any college students out there, you know how big of a deal that is.
Recently though, there have been more issues. I found out that I would need to take 18 credits in the fall semester in order to graduate on time. The meant an extra credit fee, and a lot more work. For reference, most of my friends were taking 15-16 credits per semester. I considered going longer, attending for another semester instead, but the grant I received from AU would only cover another four semesters. With a 43,000 annual tuition, I'm pretty dependent on that grant.
On top of that, I had been waitlisted for on campus housing. I was number 78 on the list, meaning I was pretty much SOL on that front. DC housing is very expensive. And I am very broke. So the situation was very bad.
So add up incredibly heavy workload, incredibly problematic housing, already a lot of debt, and a seemingly infinite number of little things I just couldn't stand, what does that give you? Ding, ding, ding! You guessed it! Yes sir or ma'am I am now a (not so) proud transfer student!
There's a lot more on that, but I'll save the details for a later, more specialized post.

Here is the plan for all this crazy shiz:
I transfer out of American University to Ocean Community College.
I will stay at OCC for the fall 2016 semester.
After that semester, I have two options:
1. I transfer to a state university near New York or Philadelphia to finish my Bachelor's degree.
2. I stay for the year to finish my Associate's in Liberal Arts/Political Science, then transfer to a state university to finish my Bachelor's.

I haven't decided yet, but it's something I'm going to have to think long and hard about. I'll probably do a lot of my deliberation here, but also with my parents as well as an academic advisor from OCC. Either way, my goal is to graduate by December 2018 with a major in Political Science and minor in Communications or Journalism. It is a flexible plan, as I have certainly learned that strict plans aren't always good plans.

To that effect, there is one quote that certainly describes the life lessons I've learned this is it...

Anyone who knows me, knows one big thing about me: I plan. I plan everything. I plan so much sometimes, I don't do. It's a big flaw of mine, but I'm slowly (very slowly) learning to live with/control it. I've been getting better, but transferring? Well it was a pretty big punch in the face.. 

Hard, fast, and right in the face

Yeah it felt kind of like that looked. I knew in my mind that transferring was the right decision for me, but it just felt like I had failed. My grand plan for college was 100% out the window now. I felt like I wasted so much time and money. I felt like I had failed everyone in my life. I couldn't do it.In my head it was the right choice. But to the rest of me, I felt like I should've stayed, for everyone else. 

I was really overwhelmed by my decision and I reacted in a very adult way. I went to bed at 6 PM and watched YouTube videos. 

(Yes, I am definitely ready to grow up, I assure you.)

But one of the videos I watched was Estee Lalonde's #FindingYou video all about the thing all twenty-somethings know so well, a Quarter Life Crisis. 

I always joked about having a quarter life crisis. And some of those times I really thought I was having a quarter life crisis. But until I literally turned everything on it's head, I never really had a legitimate crisis. I'm sure plenty of people would bash the idea, of a quarter life crisis, but my situation really felt/feels like a crisis. I had operated on my own perfect college ideal for so many years, and now, here I was, throwing that out the window. More on that another time, but it's safe to say I was freaking the f@!# out having a legitimate quarter life crisis. 

But after watching Estee's video, I really felt better about it. I mean, I was still flipping out, but just like two or three steps down from utter freak out. It was oddly comforting to be reminded that plenty of other people have these crises too, even the lovely Estee.

At the end of the video, I think I got the best advice. What will be will be, the idea that yes it's your life, but somethings will happen and you just have to be flexible and roll with it. Take as many opportunities as you can, don't be a passenger, life is short so live it the the best you can. Take the reins a bit. If you screw up, it's okay, it's part of life. 

The best bit to me was when Estee says that if you're starting to feel this crisis coming on, just know that it's your mind and body telling you that you're starting a new phase in your life and this is the time to start cementing everything in your life that you like and finding what makes you happy. That and the idea that your twenties is such a perfect time to take all the chances you've wanted to take.

I finished Estee's video with a weird calm. I had this new sense of reassurance regarding my decision, but also a new sense of "can-do." There had been an idea rolling around in my head for a while, but it was finally starting to solidify, becoming less of an idea or a possibility, and more of a reality. I just kept thinking, you know, I could do that..

And that's when I said to myself, you know what? F@!# it, why couldn't I do it? What is holding me back??

I've been watching YouTubers since the days when Shay Carl started his channel, iJustine was the only queen of YouTube, Phil DeFranco was just sxephil, Let's Play's were all long, and the What The Buck Show was the only drama show around. Ten years ago, I was nine years old. Being a YouTube content creator was only something that cool adults did. Now there are people of all ages from all around the world. Technology is so much more available, for goodness sake, we have a 1080p webcam just sitting in a spare drawer! I remember when YouTube didn't even have HD video for goodness sake! 

So here I am. At my quarter life crisis. My twenties there in front of me. A whole new decade. A whole new chapter, ready to be written. So here I am. Taking a gigantic leap into something that scares the ever-loving hell out of a shy introvert like myself. I'm going to put myself on camera, listen to and watch myself talk, and I'm going to put it on the internet. For everyone to see. I'm going to go after my childhood dream. I'm going to start a YouTube channel. 

It's one small step for bloggers, one giant leap for M-kind. 

I tried to make that witty, but I don't think it went as well as I planned. Either way. You get it. 

Why am I doing this? Because I have something to say to the world. Something that I think some people would want to and maybe even, dare I say, enjoy listening to. I also want to connect with people. The blog is an amazing way for me to do that, but YouTube is a more personal way of connecting with people.

Am I terrified of people I know watching my videos? Oh dear lord yes. It's one of the little fears I have to conquer though. It's going to happen. And if I want to end up like Justine or Phil, I kind of should get used to it don't I?

Do I think I will really hit the levels that these big Tubers are at? Ahahaah oh dear god no I don't. That being said, they didn't think they would hit that level either, just saying.

In all reality, I still have a lot to hammer out with this idea. A little bit of rebranding/restyling of the blog, recreating cover and logo photos, and getting my hands on some decent editing software that won't break the bank among other things. I want to try to film and post my first video within the next couple of weeks (eek!). It'll be rough, but you've gotta start somewhere! I'll have to post more about the channel and my progress with it soon in a more focused post. 

To close all this up, I want to drop some reality here. I was on a high from Estee Lalonde's video when I made this decision. By the time I finally finished this post, I had had a few days of thought on the subject. I was shrinking back again, nervous about making this leap. I thought about how confident I was that I could succeed if I really dedicated myself to being a content creator. But then what if I failed? What if someone saw my videos and thought I was lame or a loser? What if I just embarrassed myself? I was so worried about everything and everyone. That day, I watched Jack Howard's new video. I really like Jack as an internet personality. I think he's funny and he seems so confident in his videos, like talking to the camera is so effortless for him. I liked this video, because it really brought home a lot for me. The last thing Jack says in this video is, "Is it possible to be confident and insecure?     Yep."   

And it kind of hit me. Everyone gets insecure about things. And having your face on the internet for everyone to see? Yeah, that's probably really tough. Whether its 30 people, or 3 million people, it's always going to be hard. 

So there it is folks. I'm terrified, and excited. Confident, and insecure. But I am 100% ready for this next great leap in my life. I've got a lot planned, and it's going to be a lot of work. But it's all going to come together nicely I think. I'm completely changing my life plan around, and I think I'm a little bit happy to be this nervous about it. I mean, I've got the whole universe in front of me and no one can stop me.

If you've made it this far, go you! In the comments below, let me know your experiences with quarter life crises, transferring schools, or tackling a big dream! Until next time,

Coming to you from M, Personally

College Life Future Life Lessons Real Talk

8:18 AM

I am officially halfway through my exams and I have my eyes on summer break. What does that mean to a stressed out college student? It means I'm ignoring my exams today while I drink a milkshake and eat an entire small pizza from Domino's. Hashtag Beach Body?

But in all reality, I really do have a few summer goals for myself. I don't necessarily have to achieve them all, but I'd like to make some decent progress on each of them!

Summer Job & Loans As any college student these days, I have more than my fair share of loans. Unfortunately, I have to defer the next couple of years of loans. Because of that, I want to try and pay off as much of my current loans as possible. I've been really lucky the past two years, my parents have helped me a lot with the payments, but it's time for me to help out too. I want to make as much money as possible over the summer and go with the 50-30-20 plan for saving and spending: 50% goes towards college loans, 30% goes into my savings account, and 20% is for spending on shopping or going out or whatever. 50% seems like a lot, but while I'm home, I don't have any significant costs, so it's not really as much for me. 30% for savings is the money I want to keep for an emergency, should I have to get home quickly or something. I don't know what I'd use it for, but it's always good to have the just-in-case funds. That last 20% is just enough for me to pick up a couple books, go out with friends for half apps, or if I want to go anywhere while I'm home. I don't plan on doing much, but can't hurt to have a little cash on hand for fun!

The Blog Like I mentioned in my Birthday Wishlist, I want to start self-hosting over the summer and I want to find a new design for the blog. Aside from that, I want to dedicate more time to writing engaging content, reaching out to viewers, and trying some new stuff. I feel like my writing on these posts has really increased over the past few months, my personal voice has been coming out and it's really great. I want to try to move towards a lifestyle-niche with a broader span of posts to engage as many readers as possible. I want to use Facebook groups, Twitter, Pinterest boards, anything I can to try to not just bring in more readers, but start a conversation with my readers too, finding out what you all like and want to read more of! As for new stuff, I've got a few ideas for new projects and new features that I want to try out for the near future. 

Voice and Video Speaking of new projects! I've recruited the help of my sister to experiment with some new options this summer including a podcast and videos. Preliminary thoughts? The videos won't happen for a while. It's a big thing to jump into on a lot of fronts. First of all, creating content, filming, and editing requires a lot of dedication, time, and effort. While I am certainly dedicated to the process, I have to put my time and efforts towards school first. Though, I think O would be great for YouTube (hint, hint sister!). As for voice, I've been on a big podcast kick, especially the SourceFed Podcast. Inspired by that and the Philip DeFranco Show, I've been tossing around the idea of making a 30-50 minute podcast, talking about current events and my opinions on them. Why? Because I really struggle putting into into words in a concise manner for the blog. And I really like to talk/debate in an informal manner. O and I have very differing views, so I think it'd be fun to try out a regular discussion-type podcast on all types of current events. Sort of a replacement for the short-lived weekly SOTU posts.

Fitness I know, I know, I say this every time, but I really want to work on my fitness this summer. I was doing so well this semester! Not so much towards the end, but progress! I was losing the fat and for the first time in years I was happy with my body. Thanks to allergies and finals and me, that progress hit a bit of a plateau/roadblock and stopped for a while. I'm slowly getting back into it, and I'm super determined this summer! I've been setting more realistic goals, which you'll hear about in an upcoming fitness post, but the Marine Corps 10K in October is definitely top of the list!

Freelance Writing Those of you who know me know that I've recently become an avid follower of Jim Chapman. I love his daily vlogs more than his main channel videos, and I've started reading his blog more and more often. Between that and his GQ series, I've become more enamored with freelance writing. I've always loved writing, I mean obviously, I do it for fun here. Getting paid to write would be pretty amazing to me. I don't quite have the creative chops to be a fiction writer like I wanted to be when I was a kid, but the idea of freelancing like Jim does a bit really piqued my interest. So this summer, I want to take a few online courses, brush up on the more profesh writing skills, and try my hand at a little bit of freelance!

Closet This one's going to be short, since I've got a post coming up about it soon. But I've been trying to redo my closet, simplifying my wardrobe, and maximizing each item, all on a super tight budget. It's going to be a work in progress for a long time, but I'm excited to revamp it all. I'll be buying and selling on Poshmark, my new window shopping obsession. It'll be a super fun challenge with plenty of blog posts along the way!

So with all that, and then a ton more, I have one busy summer ahead of me. What about you, any big exciting plans coming up?

I've got to get back to studying now, I'm so close to done!! Until next time,

Writing to you from M, Personally

Blog Friends College Life Future

8:11 AM

Oh yes. The big IT.

I was sitting on Facebook the other day when this article showed up on my timeline. Nine things you need to know about people who conceal their depression. It kind of hit me as I read it and I realized that my depression had been creeping back over the past few months.

Before I jump into this post, I want to make it clear that there is a difference between self-diagnosed depression, and depression diagnosed by a doctor. Self-diagnosed sad feelings are very different than actual depression. If you think you have depression, of course tell someone and reach out to get help. It is not a glamorous issue, and should not be romanticized or made light of.

My experience with depression has been pretty short. I always assumed I was a self-diagnosed person. I was just sad and upset, but just down. I knew I'd be fine eventually. I worked to shake off what I felt, and continued my days, acting like it wasn't there. Last summer, I finally went to a doctor about it, and was diagnosed with anxiety and depression.

I hide it from pretty much everyone I know personally, because I don't want it to affect how people view me or treat me or act around me. Of course, now that I post it here, it's a lot less private. But I'm posting it here to confront these feelings, trying to take them out in a new way. So let me get back to my story.

The past few months have been really stressful for me. A lot is riding on my academic performance this semester. I have definitely improved over time, but it's still a difficult and slow transition out of the bad habits I had last year. I've also been under a lot of stress trying to get my class schedule squared away, especially since I register so late in the process. There has also been problems with my housing for next fall. As of right now, I am dorm-less. I cannot afford an apartment near campus, so if I don't get housing, I don't know if I'll be back to AU next fall. On top of that, I've had some added stress because of my current friend-situation, which always seems to be in-flux these past few years. Then, throw in some family health issues, and financial issues. And I have yet to hear back about any jobs for this coming summer.

All of that, plus being hit with the final reality that my entire college/life plan is out the window, it's been a pretty difficult, like, four weeks. I'm not bitching about it really, just having a good old venting session to you guys. Okay so yeah, bitching a little bit.

But it took all of this, plus a couple of those really oddly deep posts from some poem account on Twitter for me to realize the deeper issue here. Without realizing it, I have really sunk back into a depressed mindset. I let the negative and anxious and sad and scared thoughts take over my mind again.

A few days ago, my parents had a sort of mini, spur of the moment intervention, asking about me and how I was feeling and acting. They suggested that I come back home, transfer to a more local university. I didn't realize what they were actually saying, more than just talking about school trouble.

Today, I realized that I was settling back into my old habits, watching Netflix, ignoring people I know, skipping classes, avoiding homework. I stopped working out because of an allergy spike, but never got back to it. I just haven't been taking care of my body. Physically or mentally. And it was taking a toll. I was gaining back the weight I worked really hard to lose, my grades were beginning to slip  a little bit, I was lethargic all of the time, I stopped eating regular meals. And, I've been severely neglecting my blog. Looking back at the past few weeks, it has not been good. Actually, it's been really freaking crappy, the way I've been acting, thinking, and treating myself.


The most popular post on my blog, to this day, was one I made back in September called, Today I Will Be Happy. It was a quick post, a promise to myself to make the 24 hours after that 24 good hours. I had a picture of some flowers I had bought. I promised myself that I would be happy.

Today I hypothetically stand before you in the form of this very long blog post with a similar promise. For the next three weeks, I will be positive. I can't promise that I will be happy every day, but I will be positive, I will be productive, and I will be present. I will try my hardest every day to accomplish as much as I can. And I will work on myself. I will work as hard as I can to grow in mind, body, and spirit, to be the past version of myself that I can be, both mentally and physically.

I received a final care package from Mama K a few days ago. In it contained a few food items and a couple garbage bags for the last few days of my semester. I also got a few items to help me along the next few days including a bag of Dove chocolates, a new coloring book, my favorite beat-up old shoes (what they lack in arch-support, they make up for in mental support!) and Harriet.

Hear me out and don't think I'm too crazy.

In my final care package, my mom included a small bucket. In the bucket was a few condensed dirt disks, a seed packet, and planting directions for a small Chinese Forget-Me-Not plant. Which I have named Harriet. Why Harriet? Because she just wasn't a Harold. So I'm going to be the epitome of lame, and use Harriet as a metaphor for myself. I've got to remember to water my plant and take care of it to make sure it grows. Every day that I do that, I'm going to use it as a reminder to take care of myself too. Watering Harriet every morning will be the metaphor for taking care of myself. She's going to be the reminder (pun pretty much intended) for me to go out and run, eat at least two nutritious meals a day. sit for three minutes of meditation, work on my homework, prepare for the next day. For the next three weeks, Harriet's growth will be my growth. We will grow together. Hopefully I will not sprout flowers like her, but you get my gist.

Considering it's coming up on 2 AM, I'll close it out with a picture of little Harriet in her cute little bucket. And for the record, no, I have no clue how I'll get her home without dropping her at least twice and I am terrified.

(She started to sprout this weekend!)

Anyone else struggle having a rough patch? How do you get through the bad days? Let's talk about it in the comments down below.

Until next time,

Writing to you from M, Personally

College Life Future Harriet Life Lessons Mental Health

6:00 AM

source

Yesterday, after having a good old-fashioned rant sesh with a friend, I made a declaratory statement that had been on my mind for a while. I was fed up with spending so much time in my dorm, tired of sitting around, ready for a change! I want to explore the city, get more involved with the local community, see what this city has to offer, go to new club meetings, meet new people, and just have a memorable experience here!

What I said was: I need to get out more.

Unfortunately what she heard was: I was to go to a party.

Cause that's where I got invited. I said maybe, since I'm apparently very bad at saying no.

In the moment, I really struggled with the decision, do I go to be a good sport? Everyone will be drinking there, do I want to deal with that? Would I have to stay the night? The apartment was 2 miles away from campus, that's a long way to walk home alone in the dark.

I started to say no, but was immediately met with the ultimate coercion, "But you have to!"

I ended the discussion with a resounding maybe, and a promise to seriously consider going. Unfortunately, that was a little bit of a lie, I'm only seriously considering good excuse to get out of it.

This morning, I was texting the best advice unit, my mother, about the predicament. After explaining the whole deal, Mama K imparted her wisdom upon me: This was Peer Pressure.

It was like every light in my mind went off at once, cue the Queen song, yes folks, this is indeed peer pressure. My response? Oh.

I realized that for the first time in my life, I was being peer pressured to do something I didn't want to do. My mind flashed back to all of those DARE lectures from the local cops in elementary school. While my friend wasn't trying to get me to do hardcore drugs like the officers talked about, the idea was the same. And it kind of freaked me out a little bit.

Before this, the only kind of peer pressure I had was to eat that third piece of pizza or to go on the Gravitron at the carnival. I realized how different this situation was than what I was used to. I had never had someone who I considered a friend try to push me into doing something that extreme I really didn't want to do. I mean not that a house party is extreme, but it's something I didn't want to do, she knew that, and she didn't care.

I mean, it didn't greatly affect me. I stood my ground pretty well, and I didn't go because I didn't want to. But it still made me pretty uncomfortable knowing that she didn't care enough about my feelings and opinions to recognize the fact that I didn't want to go.

What am I going to do about it? Well honestly, I don't know. By the time you're reading this, it's been about a week and a half since the incident and the party is long over now. I am icing her out a little bit, because I don't know if I want to be friends with someone who doesn't recognize that I don't like nor do I want to attend these kinds of parties. I don't judge anyone who wants to go, it's just not for me. That's where I'm leaving it for now, putting the issue on hold for a while. I'll wait it out and make a final decision later. Why? Because in complete honesty, I don't want to deal with friendship issues right now. I just want to get my work done so I can go home to see my best friends, play with my dog, and have more free time to write.

I'd best be off to finish up my homework now, I've got three quarters of a presentation to finish due at 6! Before I go, I want to ask, has anyone else had to deal with situations like this? How did you respond? What happened? Leave me your sage advice in the comments!

Until next time,

Writing to you from M, Personally

College Life Life Lessons

6:00 AM

Last year I was invited back to my AP English teacher's classes to speak to them about college. I spoke to them at the end of my first semester, which, in my head, went pretty well. Now, two years in, my experience is much different. In the time since I last spoke in her classes all of this happened:

- I fell in love
- Twice
- Got my heartbroken
- Twice
- And thrice
- I cut off 9 inches of hair
- Twice? (well I haven't decided yet)
- I got my first F
- I got three more
- I cried in front of an academic professional
- I failed out of college
- I got a second chance
- I learned the value of second chances
- I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression
- Someone I knew was sexually harassed and I felt responsible
- I learned how to budget my "funny money"
- I overdrafted my bank account
- A lot
- I learned how to stop a panic attack
- I learned how to blow dry my hair
- I leaned the value of regular skin care
- Found new interests
- Found friends
- Lost friends
- Found a good pair of heels

All that, and definitely a lot more that I couldn't think of. Now that I'm being asked back to speak again, I don't even know what to talk about.

I don't want to come in all doom and gloom and scare the shit out of these poor kids. That being said, I don't want to be all happy, sunshine, and daisies and pretend that the real world isn't real. I'm actually really struggling to figure out what to say to these students. I want to warn them about the dangers of risky behavior, but I always want to keep it light and let them know that college is a good time. I tried to think back to the questions I had, but honestly can't remember what I wanted to know..

I'm just going to jump in here and  come up with a little rough draft type thing. Here goes:

Hey everyone! I'm really excited to be back and speaking to you guys today. I spoke to the classes last year, and I have to say, I have definitely learned a lot since then, so you guys are getting the better speech. My name is (anonymous!) and I'm going to be a junior at American University in Washington DC. Any other future DC students here? Yes? No? Awesome! What school? (bla bla bants). Okay, back to what I was saying. I'm a Political Science major, big shocker. I have a focus in American Government. I am also working towards a certificate in Women, Politics, and Political Leadership. I also have a big interest in foreign policy regarding Russia, and what I guess you could call military policy. Outside of politics, I don't do much. No, I'm kidding. I also like to run, I practice yoga, very badly, but it counts, I write a little bit, and I read a lot in my spare time. I also spend a lot of time on Netflix, but I probably shouldn't tell you all that.
Okay, now that I'm done talking about myself, I'll get to my little spiel. I'll try to keep it short and sweet, no promises, and then afterwards, you can ask me any questions you have. Before I jump in, I want to start with saying that everyone's college experience is different. You might get to college, and be like, wow that girl was totally off, what the heck. This is just me sharing what I've learned so far with you to give you an idea going into it all.
So I'm going to start off a little bit deep here, but I promise it's not all doom and gloom!
College is definitely a difficult adjustment for anyone. Even if you're staying local, it's really hard to take the same schedule that you've had for, like, 13 years, and just turn it upside down. No one tells you when or what to eat, no one reminds you about homework, and one I really struggled with, no one reminds you to sleep. It's definitely a lot of fun. But you have to be careful and make sure than the college diet, late nights, and forgotten assignments don't pile up. One big problem that a lot of people struggle with in college is stress affecting their mental health. I was going to bring all these statistics and stuff, but I figured it would be more real to talk about it honestly. Mental health carries a pretty big stigma for a lot of people, myself included. It can be very hard to come to terms with things like that, but I can now tell you guys that I've had problems with stress affecting me in college. And it's not something to be ashamed of. When I first realized there was a problem, I did the really smart thing, and I didn't tell anyone. Not my brightest plan. I struggled a lot with my academics, some other problems with friends and family and finances, and I like I was really going through everything alone. And that was really scary. I finally hit a point where I realized how much trouble I was in, and I reached to my academic advisor. God bless the woman, she's a saint. That meeting with her, I went through probably six boxes of tissues. But I talked to her and we made a plan. I talked to my parents and we made a plan. I talked to my two best friends, who don't go to my school, I had been neglecting them. I talked to them, and made amends. It was an uphill battle from there, but I think I did pretty okay. If there is any wisdom I can impart from that, it would be to be aware if your state of mind, because things like that really sneak up on you. And if you get into trouble, whether it be relating to mental health, academics, friends, or anything, always reach out to people. Your professors, your academic advisor, a parent, a mentor, a friend, anyone. Don't try to push through on your own. You have a support system behind you, don't be like me, don't be too proud to rely on them sometimes!
Okay, downer, I know. One more quick heavy thing, and then that part is over I promise. One other thing I want to make sure to mention is sexual assault. It is a big problem on college campuses. It's one of those things that's not real, until it it. I'm not saying don't trust anyone and stay in your dorm all the time, I'm just saying, be aware of your surroundings, who you're with, where you're going, all the usual stuff. You can never be too careful. Watch out for yourself and your friends. And if something does happen, definitely reach out someone you trust.
Now that I've thoroughly depressed you all, I want to say, I promise, college isn't like some black hole. Despite all the scary deep stuff I just talked about, college has been the greatest experience of my life. It is full of amazing opportunities and great new experience, and you should take advantage of every one of them. I was definitely a comfort-zone kind of girl before college. Okay, well, I still am a little bit, but because I have tried new things and met new people and had new experiences, I was able to see a whole new world. Definitely use your professors as a resource. If you have a cool professor, go to their office hours. Even just to talk to them about the latest Game of Thrones episode. Professors are actually pretty cool, believe it or not. Taking new or different classes can be a great experience. A friend of mine found her mentor in a professor that we both had last fall. My friend now minors in that class area and absolutely loves it. Me? I learned that it's not exactly my cup of tea. And that's okay! College is definitely a time to try new things. Talk to people. Go to club meetings. Though club connections, I met Karl Rove, I went to Kentucky, I spent a week in Chicago, I debated on a panel, I even started my own campus organization!. You can experience so many amazing things with some amazing new people just by trying out a new club. And if it's not your thing, you don't have to go again!
So the last big point of my spiel is that anything can be an adventure. I'm that person who will text my friends at all hours saying, Hey, wanna go on an adventure? And my 'adventures' can be anything from going into the city to the Korean War Memorial for a three hour sunset study to running out to get milk at one in the morning to monumenting and laying in the empty Lincoln Memorial in the middle of the night in February. We had so much fun and saw the weirdest and coolest and most interesting things. If you don't believe me, one time we went down to get milk and on the way back, someone drove by us with their windows down, music blaring. And the song playing was Wonderwall. I swear to God, it was Wonderwall at 1 AM on a Tuesday night. And we laughed so hard, we sat on the ground and cried. So, yeah, anything can be an adventure if you're willing to make it one.
I'm sure you're all tired of hearing me talk by now, so I'll close it up. College can be the best years of your life (wow, cliche much?). But you have to put in a little effort too. I so, so encourage everyone of you to go out and try new things and experience life to its fullest. Just remember to do your homework occasionally, or else it can catch up with you. And if it does, it's not the end of the world, even though it might seem like it at that time. Before you guys start with the questions, I just want to let you know I put my info up on the board. it's just my name, my email, and my phone number. If you have any other questions you didn't want to ask here or think of later or if you just want to say hi, you can email me or text me or I don't know, stalk me on Facebook or something. I'm always around, just let me know who you are first.
Okay, I'm finally done now. So I'll take any question you guys have, you can ask me about anything you'd like.



Wow okay, that was a lot. I'll be speaking to three AP English classes and this it'll be something along these lines. What would you add? Take out? Let me know what you think, I definitely need some constructive criticisms here!

I'm finishing this post super late, so I've got to get going. Until next time,

Writing to you from M, Personally

College Life Future Life Lessons Mental Health

6:00 AM

Every college student dreams of the day they graduate into their dream job. For me, that's managing political campaigns. Unlike many who long for the spotlight, ready to change the world, I dream of the late nights, early mornings, and poor dining that comes with campaigns. Any of you political minded people are definitely wondering, what the heck is wrong with me. Campaigns are notoriously grueling, testing, and trying. Generally people hate campaigning. Except me. I'm one of the very few political nerds who lives for it.

Regardless of field, we all know that in order to get a job, one must spend a lot of time in college interning, networking, and connecting with the 'real world.' As a future campaign manager, it can get to be a little difficult to make those connections, but this is a lucky year. With plenty of campaigns going, it's a great time for me to make those connections.

Seems great right? Well not quite. 99% of these connections are through unpaid internships. And as someone carrying a pretty hefty student debt already, I'm not a big fan of working for free when I've got about $56 to pay to the state every month. Plus. I occasionally like to eat, so buying some food would be a plus too.

So here's the TL/DR:
I need to network and make connections within campaign management by interning on a campaign, but I'm poor.

Now onto my current dilemma.

I was offered a chance to interview with a campaign manager last night. A local Congressional campaign, nothing too fancy. The candidate is apparently very nice, taking on a lot of interns from my University. Office is a few metro stops down. Busy office often with the candidates dog around too. Interns are required to work 3 shifts per week, about 15 hours, with really flexible shift schedules. AND Interns are paid $13 an hour. Which is pretty substantial for DC! With 15 hours at $13/hour, I'm making net about $115 per week! Of course with taxes it's less, but it'll be enough for me to pay for my loans every month, buy some food, AND maybe even splurge to help refill my closet with clothes that actually fit.

Sounds great, right? Connections, networking, campaigning, politics, AND paid?? It's perfect! Too perfect...

What's the catch? Well it's a pretty big one. The candidate is a Democrat.

(Dun, Dun, DUN!)

Cue the horror movie scream, this is my worst nightmare. I figured I would have this issue eventually, but not yet! I thought I thought I had a few years to decide whether I would cave to a Dem for the sake of a paycheck. But no. The issue is in the now. My connection is passing my cell phone number to the campaign today, giving me a few hours to decide whether or not to take this or not.

I've decided to think seriously about it. Though I am a registered Republican, I'm not so proud that I won't work for a paycheck. Working on a campaign will be much better than working as a nanny or dog sitter like I was prepared to do. It'll look great on my resume to have real campaign experience, and in an interview I can easily spin working for a democrat into a positive.

It's a dog eat dog world out there, and I've got to get my dog into the ring. The phone interview should be within the next few days, so I need to decide by then.

Until next time, writing to you from M, Personally

College Life Future Internship Politics

6:00 AM

This lazy Sunday I reveled in my current single room status. Lounging in my pajamas, with my sheets a mess,  clothes all over, looking like the definition of Sunday hot mess. Finally, around 12:30, I dragged myself out of bed, and got to work on the lazy chores.

I took my time changing my sheets, loving the new sheet cube. I totally want to give a huge shout out to Tommy Hilfiger, for having these fabulous sheets and TJ Maxx for selling them to me for half of the original price. Please excuse the Ssnapchat photos, but feel free to enjoy my new sheet aesthetic, that I 100% in love.

After taking an embarrassingly large number of pictures of my sheets (oops!), I sat down at my desk to finally get back into blogging flow after my winter break. As I started to type, still slumming it in my gross pajamas, I heard a noise that I hadn't in two months. 

The sound of someone keying into my room. All of the sudden everything went into slow motion as the door opened and she walked in and I'm sitting here with my Sunday hot mess look on point. 

The moment I had feared had arrived. 

The roommate is here.

Okay so fear is the wrong reaction. My new roommate seems like a sweet girl so far, all twenty minutes that I've known her. And in the 90 seconds she was downstairs after seeing my hot mess express look, I was able to put on real pants and adjust myself to look more put together when I met her mom and cousin who helped her move in. After three previous roommates who were less than great, I'm really excited to get to know her better. 

With that, she's just zipped off for a late lunch with her family, and I ought to clean up a bit before they get back, so I look a little less crazy! The first impression wasn't necessarily bad, but maybe I'll be able to make a bit of a better second impression!

More new on Roomie soon, but until next time, writing to you from M, Personally

College Life

12:37 PM

This past week I had the pleasure of viewing Michel Gondry's Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. At least, I think I did. I'm not entirely sure that it was a movie and I wasn't just suffering from a slightly sleep-deprived delusion. 

The film begins with us watching the main character, Joel Barish (Jim Carrey), waking up. Oddly comforting/neutrally happy music plays as Joel sits up, kicks off his sheets, and stares at himself looking absolutely perplexed with his choice of matching green pajamas. At least we're all in the same confused boat, right? 

Other than that, Joel begins what most would consider a rather boring Valentine's Day morning, describing himself as woken up in "a funk" when he spontaneously takes a train to Montauk. He writes about his trip in his journal, his first entry in two years. 

While in Montauk, Joel sees a girl on the beach, and later she sparks a conversation with him on the train. As they keep talking, Joel's general neutral personality seems to clash with this mystery girl's strange, colorful personality mirrored by her hair. As viewers, we automatically assume that this girl, introducing herself as Clementine (Kate Winslet), is the love interest for Joel. Which seems strange at first, since they are obviously very different people, but we are so accustomed to this boy meets girl happily-ever-after trend in movies, we think nothing of their assumed soon-to-be budding romance.

Later, Joel sees Clem and offers to drive her home. After a bit of awkward conversation, Joel joins Clem for a drink in her apartment. The two drink and talk for a while. Before Joel leaves, Clem gives him her number asking him to call. The set up a date for the next night, going out to a frozen lake. They spend the night together, and Clem asks to stay at Joel’s house. When he says yes, she runs inside to grab her toothbrush. A man knocks on Joel’s window asking him a few questions and the scene fades away as Joel waits.

After a nearly 18 minute introduction, the credits start onscreen as we see Joel crying in his car with a sad song playing in the background. The song ends as he pulls the tape from the deck, and the music is replaced with a quizzical-sounding tune that sounds like a combination of Flight of the Bumblebee and the Jeopardy theme.

And so begins the confusion.

From this point on, the film begins to jump around from the day before Valentine’s Day, to three days before. We learn of Joel and Clem’s break up and the infamous Lacuna Inc. At this point, in the film we see Stan (Mark Ruffalo) and Patrick (Elijah Wood) for the second time, but actually meet them for the first. We are also introduced to Mary (Kristen Dunst) and Dr. Mierzwiak (Tom Wilkinson). At Lacuna, we learn that Clementine had Joel erased from her memory. Joel quickly decides to have Clementine removed from his from memory too.

The scenes begin to flash around and as Joel’s memories are being erased, starting from the most recent. As he progresses though, Joel changes his mind, wanting to save some of the better memories he had of him and Clem.

I have to stop here at serious risk of spoiling the film.

The film really delves into the post-break-up emotions in a way that hasn't really be done before. The idea of erasing the memory of your significant other is an idea that has probably been appealing to a lot of people at one point or another. Eternal Sunshine toys with the question of ‘it is really worth it?’ Which is the best cliffhanger I can give.

Eternal Sunshine is a movie that you either hated, or wanted to watch again. If you're looking for a film to add to your post-break up movie marathon between Dirty Dancing and First Wives Club, this is definitely not the one for you, no matter what Buzzfeed says. 

I would highly recommend this movie to anyone looking for something to challenge the way you think. Eternal Sunshine really makes you question your beliefs, and when you watch it for the second or third time, it makes you question your senses. You begin to pick up on little details you ignored the first time. This is one of those movies that you could watch ten times, and find something new each time.

Before you watch, I have to tell a short story. I thought I would be proactive and take notes on the film so I would be able to write the review a bit easier. I quickly learned my lesson. The last thing I wrote was "Frodo's eyes upside down??" and at that point I made the executive decision that multitasking during this film just wasn't going to work. So let that be your warning, if you're going to watch this movie, actually watch it. I mean put the phone away, stop writing that report or whatever you're doing. Eternal Sunshine is a film that needs 100% of your attention. If you can dedicate this time, it's definitely worth it the fantastic confusion. 

~~~
Fun Fact, this is pretty much word for word, the paper I just wrote. I know you usually have to get the prof's permission to double dip with some papers, but you think they're going to care about the blog? That'll be some really awkward explaining to the board if they catch me for "plagiarism." Does it count if you plagiarize yourself?
I'm gonna hope not!

Writing to you from M, Personally

College Life Movie Review

8:20 PM

You know, sometimes I with I was like a "normal" college student. Tonight is one of those nights.

I spent the Friday of my Labor Day weekend by myself. In my room. Alone. Not even my roommate was here, she has plans in New York all weekend.

I wish I was like the girls I saw when I was opening my window earlier. Dressed up. Wearing shoes that I won't walk home in. Getting into the frat's carpool. Getting drunk. Dancing. Having "the best nigh everr" (yes, with two r's).

I wish I was like my (rather communistic) neighbors across the hall. Casually drinking and debating with a couple friends.

I wish I was like my next door neighbors. Two roommates, close friends, staying up late talking and hanging out all night.

I wish I was like my roommate last year, hanging out with all these really cool foreigners and looking fabulously foreign-stylish all the time.

But at the same time, I'm glad I'm not doing that. Because none of that is me. I don't really enjoy that. Yes, I like to dance. Yes, I like talking about serious topics with friends. Yes, I wish I had a best friend with me at school. Yes, I wish I had a practically star-studded friend group. But I don't. And that's okay! I'm finding my group now. I'm finding my people. My niche on campus.

Right now though, right now I'm not so okay with it all. I think I'm just feeling kind of lonely. My best friend is back home. My good friends here are hanging out with other people. My roommate is away. And the beau is currently out of contact, as per his line of work often leads him to be.

I don't often find myself feeling especially lonely. Most of the time it's by choice. And I'm okay with that, when it is the case. But tonight, not so much. After marathoning most of the first season of The West Wing on Netflix and repainting my nails with a new-ish Julep color, Shari, I realized that I am quite lonely. There's few things worse than having to be alone when all you want is a friend.

Not even a best friend or a good friend. Just another person to share some conversation with occasionally, you know?

Though I'll be honest, I could really use a good hug from a certain boyperson right about now. Not specifying though. Not tonight at least.

I need a hug and a mug of tea. That's on my list for a target trip, a tea pot. Even though it's hot out. it was definitely a tea day today..

And in honor of that, I'll leave you with a stock photo of a sweater and a mug. Can you tell I'm ready for fall already?

Until next time,

Writing to you from M, Personally

College Life

9:11 PM

Last fall, I was sort of an accidental intern. I sent an email to a company out of curiosity, thinking that no one would hire a first semester freshman with zero experience. Especially not for a paid internship! But lo and behold, there I was, a full course load and a 20 hour a week job! Without going too far into it all, it was a humbling experience to say the least! I am thankful for everything it taught me, and the connections that it has and will lead to in my future!

After that experience, plus a little time to grow, I'm ready to look for an internship for the spring. I need something that's only 2 or 3 days week, or else otherwise paid. Now with a new job sitting for a family, plus a heavy course load, plus a few extracurricular, and occasionally finding time for dinner, I've got more limited time. I also want something political, either a Hillternship or something in my future field, campaign management.

So here is your first bit of insight into the top-secret mission of looking for an internship. Here's how it goes down:

1. You begin to realize that, like, everyone has already had 9 internships, despite being first semester sophomores. The pressure begins, you gotta catch up!!

(Side Note: when I searched for a "panic gif" some how, I found a ton of Brendan Urie images. And it took a while before I realized why...)

2. The search begins.
     (a) You start with all the internship finder websites, but let's be honest, you can never find what you need there. I don't know. Maybe you can, but I certainly can't.

     (b) you just start to look for companies/firms/whatevers who might just have what your looking for.

3. A THOUSAND tabs later, you've got everything open, and three emails from your mom. You don't even remember telling her that you were looking for an internship, but she always know.

4. Before any emails or applications are sent, you gotta brush up that resume and LinkedIn profile.

5. Time to write out your cover letter AKA break out the creative writing skills.

6. Finally, you finish all of the emails. Now it's a hurry up and wait game for responses.

And that's about as far as I've gotten. Well I haven't even sent all my emails yet. That's tomorrows project! Per usual, I'll keep the masses updates! Until next time,

Writing to you from M, Personally

College Life Internship

12:52 PM

After yesterday's minor meltdown(s), I have taken a metaphorical Xanax and finally calmed down a bit. But before I recount the day, I would like to share with you my pride and joy:

I spent probably a good 4 days on this board, a project that realistically should've taken a few hours. But hey, what's the point of life if you rush, right? No that's just my lame excuse for dragging it out! But that's okay, she's hung up and she looks pretty! So it's all okay! I have to be honest though, I'm not looking forward to having to cover it up with papers and punch holes all over it with the pins. Maybe I'll make it work somehow. But that's an issue for another time!

Back to my original point, I did much better today. Went for a good run, ate some pf the best granola for breakfast, did some work in my room, and went to the zoo with one of my closest friends from last year! It was an amazing day, even though I unfortunately did not see the new baby panda.

And to top it all off, we went to the famous (or is it infamous?) TDR for dinner. I have to be honest, it was surprisingly good! They redid all of the interior which looks cleaner and more open now. There are lots of new tables, quite a few high-top types, which I personally love! I usually only got a salad or burger at TDR, but I decided to be adventurous and try some of the General Tso's Chicken. There was a chef right there making the stir fry portion! The rice I got was a bit overcooked, but still good! The meal was actually pretty delicious! And in my usual dining fashion, I topped it all off with my absolute favorite AU food, one of the TDR brownies! They're truly a wonderful guilty pleasure.

As much fun as today was, tomorrow is much less exciting. Another quick run in the morning, a good breakfast, a trip to the container store for a shoe rack-type-thing, and then it begins, I have homework to start! Which is annoying since classes haven't even started yet. I have reading for three classes, Macroeconomics, Comparative Politics, and American Dreams/American Lives. These three seem like they're definitely gonna be the most difficult, but not unmanageable!

So far so good though. Other than one little thing..

My roommate chose tonight to reconnect with all her friends from last year. Now don't get me wrong, usually I wouldn't have a problem with that. Except she is reconnecting with everyone at midnight. Three loud foreign girls have a lot to catch up on. Looks like I'll be up late for my run tomorrow.

Some days, I really hate communal living..

BUT I am going to keep it positive! Because it's all good! To close up, here is a little quote I have taped up next to my desk:

So what does that mean to me? It means that I've already hit the end. It hit the end, the rock bottom, the worst place last year/spring. And this is it. There is nowhere else to go but up. I'm starting from the end now. And it's going to be hard. Really hard. But I've got a good self-support beneath me, good people standing by me, and a blog where I can work my thoughts out. I've got this. I can do this. 

Writing to you from M, Personally

College Life

9:10 PM

Well. It's quarter to 10 at night and I'm pretty much finished. A 15 hour day. Very sore legs. And a quickly developing case of homesickness. Yes, it's certainly move in day. And I am sure as hell glad it's over. It's been a heck of a day and I'm going to abuse today's post and I'm gonna get a little negative on you tonight. I need to vent for a minute. Where should I begin?

Let's go with the most common issue, Homesickness. Common and hard to overcome, everyone, no matter what, misses the regularity of home. I miss my dog. I miss my mattress. I miss my family. I even miss hearing my little sister's music through the walls at all hours. Instead I've traded in those comforts for a musty room, a faintly urine-scented hallway, a randomly assigned roommate, and the high-pitched squealing girls next door. Safe to say, my dorm isn't exactly what I had been hoping for. And I admit it. To you, and God, and everybody, I miss home. I want to go back to familiar smells and sounds and showering without shoes on. I want my clean bathroom and my mom back.
Luckily, homesickness to the first-day-degree usually fades after a week or two. It rarely comes back in such full force to rear it's ugly head. I know I'll be over all of this (for the most part) soon. But it's just hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel for now.

My second issue is the aforementioned Roommate. A very nice girl judging by our conversations. Of course we've said maybe 50 words to each other in total. I know, I know, time will help and we'll be better friends eventually. But I really question that philosophy. I'm still not the biggest fans of my roommates from last year. I just hope I don't walk in on this one doing-the-do like I did last year (twice!). Not an experience I would like to repeat again. Back to the point, she and I already seem to be at odds, purely based on the fact that we are insanely different people. We come from two very different sides of the world. Literally, she is from China and I'm from a small beach town in New Jersey. A VERY big difference if I do say so myself. We're both very quiet people, so that part is really nice. I just feel at odds with the rest of my floor, since most roommates are people who are already friends and know each other pretty well. And yet here I am friendless with a stranger for a roommate.

Which brings me to my next issue, Friends and the Lack Thereof. I am a very introverted person, I hate trying to be social. It's painful for me to go out of my way to talk to someone. If I could just fast forward through that and just become friends with them, I would in an instant. That's not to say I don't have any friends at all. But I really only have one at AU who I'm remotely close with. I don't know anyone on my floor exceptionally well, I sort of know a couple of people through College Republicans, which is a step in the right direction. I just don't want to make the same mistakes that I did last year, and end up befriending the wrong people. Don't get me wrong, the group I ended up being friends with last year were all very nice people. But they partied too much, smoked even more, and became a very bad influence on my life in a lot of ways. Ways that I will recount another time, but just can't get into tonight. But they molded me into a person who I didn't want to be. It scared me. And I'm still scared that I'm going to have a repeat of that again this year, a mistake that I can't afford to make again.

And on the topic of mistakes, I come to the fourth and final issue for tonight's venting session, my Relationship. Now, I want to keep my relationship private, but I've got more than my fair share of fears for my relationship. After spending a lot of time together this summer, this is the first time that we are far away from each other for an extended period of time. For the sake of privacy, all I can say is he will be across the world in a few days, 6 hours ahead of me. So we're taking a very solid, but still somewhat new relationship, and sending the people in opposite directions, roughly 4,760 miles apart. Then limiting communication to realistically, about 3 texts of conversation per day, and little to no time to Skype or call. And keeping this up for a three week to three month stretch. While, I usually wouldn't worry about our relationship, it's fair to be a little nervous about such a distance.

45 minutes later, and I'm practically falling asleep on my laptop, I think it's time to close up for now.

Tomorrow I'll be back up writing more and updating plenty of things on the blog. I'll also be posting my daily workouts on my Tumblr!


Writing to you from M, Personally

College Life

7:28 PM