The Boyfriend List

After many rather disappointing dates and a couple of rough breakups, I’ve made some decisions in my life regarding boys. At the moment, I’m going to be sticking to dating myself, as I’m pretty fabulous, if I do say so myself. But from here on out, all boys have to fit within certain standards to even be considered as dateable. I have settled a few times and I’m tired of it. I won’t settle for mediocre when I know I deserve way better. So here is where I’m going to detail out the perfect guy. I don’t expect every guy to fit every standard on here. But he has to score pretty high on this list to get a date. There are a few that are a bit more important than others though.

The Mandatories:

1.       Taller Than Me: It’s a very simple one, but I just can’t date a guy who is shorter than me. It just seems weird. I’m not very tall, so it’s not too tall of an order to fill (pun very much intended). I just want to be able to wear a good pair of heels when I’m with him. I’m about 5’7, so I’m looking for someone around 5’10. I’m happy with average height. Just someone to get the cereal off the top shelf in the grocery store really.

2.      Appreciation for Cowl Neck Sweaters: Okay it sounds totally silly I know, but hear me out on this one. I love cowl neck sweaters because they’re super warm, they almost come with a built in scarf, they’re super cute, and great to layer. A guy who appreciates (and wears) cowl neck sweaters has enough style to match my low key preppy. Now the thin ice here is that he might be just too stylish for me and surpass my low key preppy-ness. But I’ll cross that bridge if and when I get there.

3.       Willingness to be First Gentleman: This one is a two-parter, so here goes:

a.       First of all, I’ve got big goals. I want to be president one day. It might not happen. But I need someone in my life who is going to encourage and support my dreams and what I want to do, regardless of where it takes me. I also need him to know that my goals are just as valid as his, and I generally won’t put set my life and future aside for his alone.

b.      Second of all, I’m not dating for the heck of it any more. I’m dating for the future. No I don’t expect to find my future husband tomorrow, but it’s time I start looking at it seriously. I want the guys I’m dating to have some husband potential. I’m graduating college in two and a half years and I’ll be 21. I want to be married or at least engaged before I’m 24. I’ve got 5 years to find my person, that doesn’t leave any time to waste with nobody’s.

So the rest of the rules on the Boyfriend List are just very important things to consider. Some are more important that others, in no specific order.

1.      Loves His Mother: The way a guy treats his mother is a reflection of how he will treat you. Simple as that.

2.       Republican: Not a mandatory thing, but it certainly would make election years a lot easier.

3.      Politically Aware: He doesn’t have to be as big into politics as I am, but I do expect him to be aware and literate of what’s going on in the political sphere.

4.      Religious: I know, its weird coming from an atheist like me, but I’d like a guy who’s a little bit religious. If he’s very religious, it would be uncomfortable for the both of us. I just think a guy raised with religion in his life usually (not always!) has a bit better morals than others.

5.      Musical: No shame here, musical guys are pretty attractive. Whether it’s an instrument or singing (preferably both?), it’s always good.

6.     Literature Nerd: I like books. A lot. And he better understand that I prefer my books to him. Not that he isn’t great and all. But books. I also want to be able to converse and discuss books and what we’re reading. Reading a book together is a whole new level of connecting and I need that.

7.      Likes Horses: He doesn’t have to love them. He just has to like them enough to accept the fact that his new part time job involves being a water boy and camera man at horse shows. Chances are, he’ll get a horse at some point too. If he’s willing to learn to ride, even just a little, it makes him perfect in my book.

8.      A Little Bit Nerdy: I don’t want him to judge me when I sit and babble on about theories for the next Avengers movie. I want to be able to talk about the next season of Sherlock and when we’re leaving for the midnight release of our favorite video game. I want to play Skyrim some nights and Mario Kart on others. That being said, there is a very thin line between being the low key nerd I am looking for, and then just taking it too far. I have to proceed with caution.

9.      Can Cook: Not a skill I have yet acquired. I don’t need gourmet chef, but preferably better at cooking than me. The only thing he has to be really good at is breakfast in bed, mainly eggs over medium with an English muffin.

10.   Good at Shoulder Massages: Now wait a minute, before you go judging me on this one, I have a legitimate reason! With two bad shoulders and a microtear in my muscles, my shoulders get super achy sometimes, especially this time of year! I just need someone who can help a little bit on that front.

11.   Fit/Athletic: I want someone who’s in shape. I don’t want someone who looks like a balloon animal because he’s so ripped. Not a fan. That being said, I’m not a fan of the Dadbod either. I like somewhere in between. Works out pretty regularly and eats generally healthy-ish, but still looks like a normal person. That being said, I wouldn’t mind someone who can keep up with me on long runs. I’m training for the 2016 Marine Corps Marathon, and I want to keep running for the foreseeable future. While he doesn’t necessarily have to be a marathon runner too, I would like a buddy for short or easy run days. Plus, someone who’s willing to massage muscle knots out and bring me post marathon ice cream is always good.

12.  Has Goals: Another pretty self-explanatory one. I want a guy who’s going somewhere in life. I don’t want someone who’s content in a mediocre job making mediocre money. I want someone who is dedicated to his life and making it better.

13.  Inner Wanderlust: I have always wanted to travel, and no one likes to travel alone. I want a travel partner, someone to see the world with.

14.   Understands Introversion: It doesn’t so much matter if he’s an introvert, and extrovert, or an ambivert. As long as he understands that sometimes I might need a few hours of quiet reading and relaxation on my own, its fine by me.

15.  Well Off: Now before you go off calling me shallow for wanting to date someone who’s well off, let me start off by saying, yes I am a little shallow. But I’m not dating this person for their money. And I’m not looking to date a Rockefeller. I would just like someone who can afford to splurge a little for nice dinners occasionally and someone who wouldn’t think too much of spontaneous trips to the movies. I’m not asking for Mr. Moneybags, just someone who’s not going to bring home the extra lettuce from my dinner (yes it really happened and yes it was really weird).

16.   College Degree: Either has to have or be working towards a Bachelor’s degree at a minimum. And in a legitimate field, not like underwater sand shifting or something uselessly obscure. I’m not asking for a Ph.D candidate, but I won’t date someone who doesn’t see the value of a good education.

17.   No Silver Spoon Syndrome: I don’t necessarily want to date someone who was raised with the silver spoon. I don’t think I could connect with someone who was raised like that, as I never had that experience in my childhood.

That's all I can think of for now, but I'm sure as I think about it I'll remember some more that I want to add. I ought to get back to my homework now, oops!

Writing to you from M, Personally