Showing posts with label Life Lessons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life Lessons. Show all posts
In a list of the things I am bad at but will need as an adult, time management is numbers 1 through like, mostly everything. I'm ashamed, but I will admit it. I am capital b-a-d BAD at time management.

In high school and elementary school, I used to work better with a busier schedule. Wuth school, and work, and me being an awful blogger, my schedule is definitely busy. But I'm starting to figure out that it's not necessarily the busy part that helped me function better, but the fact that I had a regular schedule. My classes are pretty regular so that's nice, but my work schedule changes week to week. I plan homework around my job, so I have to plan blogging and attempting to start a podcast around both. Plus occasionally sleeping, something that  haven't been doing nearly enough of over the past few weeks.

I finally sat down with myself to hammer out some rules to set up a routine that I can actually stick to.


1. Set a Bedtime Full nights of sleep are 100% essential to being productive and making the most of your day. You can't be at your best when you're doing the slow blink until 2 pm. When I'm really exhausted, I can't talk, I can't think, I can barely focus my eyes! I need to make sure I have a time when I turn off the lights, the music, and especially the phone! I'm super guilty of facebooking long into the night, and it's really terrible. Get your 8 so you can concentrate! (Oh look how witty!). My goal is to be in bed by 10:30 PM, and asleep around 11. That way I have a little time to read or meditate before 100% lights out.
Tip: Wear a sleeping mask! I never used one until college, where my roommate would be up at all hours with her desk lamp on. That thing was like the freakin' sun! My mom sent me a sleeping mask and it was weird at first, but now whenever I put on my mask, 99.9% of the time, I'm out in minutes! I used the NAME OF MASK. It's a good starter one, it's not super tight on your face and it has a shape, so it doesn't sit on your eyes too much  I always take mine off in my sleep and end up laying on it. Going on three years with it and still holds it's shape!

2. Set a Shut Down Time Yes, this is different than a bedtime! Your shut down time is a set time every night where you stop working and just relax. Since I often have to work closing shifts, it's a little tougher. But on non-work nights, I would put away homework, textbooks, blog work, and editing at a certain time. I got this idea from Estee Lalonde, who puts (LINK VID) away all her work at 7 PM. I don't think 7 is realistic for me, judging by the amount of work I already have. I'm going to start with 9 and see if I can slowly push it back earlier, while still getting my work done. I do have a bit of an additional limit, since I'll have to be done before work on my late nights.
Tip: Set alarms! Have a 30, a 15, and a 5 minute warning alarm, just to remind yourself that it's coming up to your shut down time. Make sure to keep that within earshot, but out of sight! Watching the time tick away is either going to make you feel like time is dragging, or like you have extra pressure and stress.

3. Workout Let's be honest here, how many of us say we just don't have the time to workout? Don't worry I do it too! Whether its a quick stretch or an afternoon on the running trails, any workout is a good workout!
(Legally Blonde Endorphins gif)
While we aren't being convicted of murder (I hope!), working out will release endorphins, making you happier and more relaxed when you sit back down to your work. When I'm feeling extra stressed, I go for a run, no matter what the hour. Whether it's yoga or body combat, or both, it'll help you refocus your mind on the important To-Dos while helping you let go of the little what ifs. Plus, it really does help when you get frustrated, being able to just walk away for a while and not think about a paper or homework or whatever.
Tip: Schedule your workouts to hold you accountable! Paying for a gym membership or a class makes you a little bit beholden to going, if you can afford it. If you're in college, try one if their fitness classes, you'll definitely be accountable if you're getting graded on it! Scheduling a time with a friend every week to workout together is great too, no one likes to cancel on friends.

4. Stop Multitasking I am super guilty of this, especially during freshman year of college. All my friends would watch Netflix while they did homework, so I figured I would too. Two seasons of Gilmore Girls later, it was 4:30 AM and I had gotten zero homework done. Or I would try to research for a paper and do math homework at the same time. Or I would eat and do homework at the same time. I would try to do two things at once, and end up getting nothing done. The best thing I've learned regarding improving time management is do things one at a time. Dedicate your full focus to your work, and you'll be able to get it done more efficiently than if you tried to do ten things at once. Cut out distractions, put on white noise or classical music, something you won't dance to (guilty again!). I would suggest Spotify's studying playlist OR

5. Get an Agenda If you take only one thing from this post, let it be the word PLANNER is big sparkly bubble letters. Get. A. Planner. It's the best thing ever. Not just for writing down when you have to call mom, but scheduling time for specific things. You might have to try out a couple different books to find what works for you, it's definitely a learning curve. I like having one big to do list and an hourly block for my day. On the To Do list, I can write down my assignments, things I need to do at home, things I need to buy, and what ever else I want to put. I like having the hourly break downs of my day because then I can actually see when I have free time. I can block out when I have work, when I have class, when I have free time for homework, when I have blocked time to write/record/edit.

6. Reward Yourself At the end of the day, sometimes you just have to treat yourself. When you finish an assignment, or a major section of reading, or just hit a breakpoint after a good amount of work, don't be afraid to close your laptop, walk away, and just veg for a little while. Be careful though, writing one paragraph doesn't warrant a two hour Netflix break. My goal is usually to finish one assignment or one chapter of reading and then take a 10-15 minute break. Use an alarm to remind yourself and don't get started on anything long term on your break rewards! This is the time to play with your dog, toss in laundry, grab a quick, healthy (!) snack or just walk a quick lap around your house/floor/apartment to get the blood flowing again. Keeping your nose to the grindstone for 6 hours nonstop is just going to get you angry and exhausted. Let your brain relax every now and then!


So those are my five tips for improving your time management skills. I don't pretend to have mastered these skills, so I'm working on improving at the same time that you are! But after all that, I'm off to go finish up my homework, got lots to do before my shut down time tonight! In the mean time, let me know what your best tips are for improving time management! And until next time,

Coming to you from M, Personally


6:00 AM


I know it's an odd title. but stick with me! Sometimes life throws a wrench in your plans. And in 100% honesty, it effing sucks. When that happens, you have to adjust as best as you can. Unfortunately the wrench hit me kind of like this:


Usually I do my best to adjust to the situations at hand, but this week hit me like, well, a wrench to the face. The adjusting took a little while.

School was a lot different than I expected. Going from a pretty highly ranked 4 year university to a community college, I think I really underestimated my classes. They're all pretty intense. Which I should have been prepared for since, you know, I picked them. It's not so much that I'll be overwhelmed, just as long as I focus, avoid procrastinating, and manage my time as best as I can. I don't expect to be perfect, because it's just not realistic. But I'm going to try my hardest to be my best. I have some lofty goals this semester, and I'd really like to achieve them and look back at everything with more pride than regrets. After my first week, I knew that school was going to take up more of my time than I thought it would, but not an inordinate amount. Not something I couldn't still work around.

Speaking of work, and that smooth as hell transition, work is also a lot more than I was prepared for. It's not a big glamorous job. I mean I work at ShopRite. But I do work 20-25 hours each week. That's a lot of time I can't mix with other things or multitask during. When I'm at work, my job requires me to be focused. To make it sound a bit fancier, I'm a supervisor. I watch over up to 30 employees at once. Usually not by myself, but it's a lot of people to be responsible for. That requires my attention and it seriously exhausts me. I get home at the end of the day, and I am legitimately tired. Which is great, but it does limit my schedule more. I'm not going to half ass any of my projects, academic, professional or blog wise. Its not fair to my professors, my peers, my co-workers or you my dear reader! 

Aside from those two, I had another big wrench in my plans. As you might have read in LINK last week's post, I wanted to start a YouTube channel. It's been my dream for ten years and I was ready to make it happen. Unfortunately, the camera I was borrowing became quite unavailable to me. Big uh-oh. It's a little hard to make videos without, you know, a camera. I tried the ones I had at home, but the quality just wasn't up to par.

I've always been honest with you all, and I'm not changing that now. Last Friday night I was having a meltdown over it all. Losing the camera really did mess with me more than anything else.. I was so set on following my dream, and right when I was finally able to achieve it, everything fell through. I was so close, but then so, so far again.

On Sunday, I got a present in the mail. I had ordered a microphone for my videos before I lost the camera. And an idea began to form and then it hit me like, well a wrench from the sky, just slightly less painful.

With one of the best microphones for the price and a computer, I have the two basic things I need to start a podcast. And so, I decided, I will! It's a good introduction to video making, just getting used to talking, scripting, editing, and hearing my own voice on record (cringe). I have a long list of what were video ideas, but I can still use them for podcasts, now I can do everything in my PJs! Which is, like, 148% better, let's be honest.

So that's all for now! A specific post about the podcast will come soon, explaining the whole bit and with the first episode! Time to practice my pronunciation now..

Until next time, coming to you from M, Personally 
6:00 AM

It's been a while hasn't it! After making a lot of big decisions, I decided that I ought to take some time off from everything go focus for a bit and give myself a reset after everything that happened. If you weren't around then, let me fill you in on everything that's happened..

In June, I decided to transfer colleges. I had been thinking about leaving American for over a year, but I wasn't mentally ready to make the move until after my sophomore year. Being so late I didn't have many options as to where to go. After some thought, I decided that the local community college was the best option for me while I was in limbo between "regular" colleges. So I pulled the plug on American, unpacked all my boxes at home, and had a little meltdown.

Transferring was hard for me. More so mentally than anything else. It was hard for me to say that AU wasn't the best fit for me. My own pride made it very difficult for me to go from an academically great school, to a community college. I was so excited to leave my town and what was a semi toxic friend environment, that it was a huge hit to have to come back home and go to OCC for the year. Back in June, I thought I was coming back like a wounded dog, head down and proverbial tail between my legs. But after two or so months of thinking about the situation, I've really started to come to terms with it.

I had taken the summer off to keep everything lighter, focus on myself, my jobs, and my goals. And it was great. I went full force into planning everything. Usually, I get a little overboard with that, but this time it actually worked to my benefit. Like I mentioned in my Quarter Life Crisis post, I started to realize I wasn't happy with my life. Fed up with it, I decided that I was going to change it all. Over the past two and some months, I've changed my major, my goals, and my entire mentality. And my room, which I am loving, by the way. Now instead of working towards a good job and a good life that'll provide me with a decent future, I'm throwing, like, 90% of caution to the wind and diving head first into my true goals.

Back in 2006, I was ten years old. That was when YouTube began. Not only the spur to a cultural revolution, I was enamored with it. Over the years, I watched a lot of Phil Defranco, a lot of What The Buck, and a lot of iJustine. I thought YouTubers were the coolest people. They worked for themselves, they were brave enough to post on the internet, and they had fun jobs. It was the first time I had seen someone who really enjoyed their jobs and I wanted to do it. At ten I said I wanna do that, but I'm too young, too shy, too poor, and most of all, I was too chicken, just like everyone else said. I know, I was a really positive child. But I held that mentality up until this past June when I looked at my life, kind of hated it, essentially said 'Eff This' and moved on to do what I wanted. It's my life. Why was I letting myself take a nap in the passenger seat?? I jumped up, took the wheel, and decided to drive my life where I wanted it to go. Metaphorically, of course. If we're being honest, this whole epiphany thing happened at like 2 AM over a tub of ice cream while crying. We all have lows, okay?

So that's where I am now. I'm starting a YouTube channel. I'm effing terrified, but I think it's going to go well. I have a lot to learn and plenty of mistakes will be made, but it's gonna be fun, right? I'll have all, like, three of you dear readers to support me along the way, so I'll give you the skinny on the whole deal now.

My blog is going to stay like it is, a generally unfocused lifestyle blog. I've always posted what I felt I wanted to say, and that won't really change much. I'm going to try to stilt it a little more towards the college lifestyle niche, but again, I post what I like to write.

My channel though, will be focused on college and my college journey. As a transfer, I have a unique opportunity to share my journey with you all. There isn't a lot of information online about transferring, at least that I could find, and I felt like I could help fill that gap. I felt like videos would be more natural, more personal, as opposed to just words on a page. I want to be able to share my experience with others, and I want to create a space where others can share theirs too.

The one big change will be a bit of rebranding. With the new revival of the blog and new dedication to the potential future of all of this, I feel like it's time for me to take everything to the next level. In the coming weeks I will be buying my URL and instituting a new theme with a new logo. I was hoping to have everything done for the relaunch, but it just wasn't feasible for me. So hang tight, thing's might be a little funky for a while!

So, all of that being said and done, here I am, at the edge of the diving board into a pool. And for the first time in my life, I have the courage to jump in head first. Not just with the blog or the channel, but with life in general.

The first video **should** go live this Friday so be sure to follow and like all of my social media below, and don't forget to subscribe! Until next time,

Writing to you from M, Personally
9:39 AM
Today, twenty years ago, a baby was born, impassioned by Independence Day, bit by the horse bug, and destined to share her opinions. Through thick and thin, this girl lived her life the way she deemed proper, no matter what anyone else said. And when she finally discovered blogging, she knew she had found her place on the internet.
Surprise, surprise, that girl is me.


Today I turn twenty years old. Twenty!! Ew, gross, one year closer to having to be a real adult. It feels like just yesterday, I was in kindergarten and the world was so different. A 2001 world, where boys had cooties, my best friend lived four doors down, school security was lax, and some kid named P.J. got sent to the principal's office on the first day. Looking around at the post-9/11 world I live in now where schools have police officers, and my first best friend is in the National Guard, it feels like everything has changed! Well except the cooties thing. Whether they're boys or men, I'm pretty sure they all still have cooties.

This past year has been a a wild one for me. I've gone through so much, I don't know if 18-year-old me would even recognize 20-year-old me. Looking back, I have had some of my highest and lowest moments while being nineteen. And I have learned a LOT. Of everything I've learned, I managed to pull out the top nineteen lessons that I have learned while being nineteen, and compiled them here share with you, the adoring public. So here they are, in no particular order

1. Your First Love Doesn't Have to be Your Last
       After experiencing my first relationship this past summer, I learned what it's like to be in a relationship. He was in the military, and it really showed me the give and take as well as the sacrifices that you need to make in a relationship. It's really strange to have your happiness depend on the happiness of someone else. It was a weird thing to get used to, but it was really nice once I did.
       That being said, after falling pretty hard for this guy, I learned that break ups are hard. Like way harder than I thought. I was expecting a few days of heart ache, a box of tissues, and a pint of Americone Dream. It was not nearly that easy for me. The break up happened in October, and for a long time I still had the occasional moment over it.
       I was lucky though. He and I ended on pretty good terms, so there was really never any major issues with it. For a while, I was so sure that I would get him back, but in my own time (with lots of help from Elle Woods) I realized I didn't want or need him back, and I really grew from the experience.
      There is a lot of pressure from the love stories you hear where people married their first (insert milestone here), and it really hangs around in the back of your head. After I finally realized that my life isn't destined to be a spinster cat lady since I didn't end up with the first guy I dated, it was a real weight lifted off my chest.

2. It's Okay to Cut Your Friendship Losses
       This past year, I was very angry at old friends from high school. I was ignored when I was away, excluded when I was home, and I harbored a lot of anger at people for that. I spent so much time being angry at them, I didn't spend enough time in my life appreciating the friends who I did stay close with. Over Thanksgiving this past year, when spending time with my best friend from home, I realized that I didn't need to stay friends with people I really didn't like. In high school, you need your core group to be social with, they're all you have in a hometown. But now that I'm in DC for 70% of the year, I don't need their friendship anymore. So I have been slowly cutting ties with people, unfollowing on Snapchat and Instagram, unfriending on Facebook, and the likes. And it actually feels really good, to have that annoying pressure off of my mind.

3. He's Not the Sun. You Are
     I'd like to give a shout out to my spirit surgeon, Cristina Yang, for this one. It's not specifically directed at any guy in my life, but just a reminder. It's a reminder to myself that no one is more valuable, talented, beautiful, and all around amazing than I am. And it's a reminder to everyone reading that no one is more valuable, talented, beautiful, and all around amazing than you are. In your life, you are the only one who really matters. Just like Yang, I don't care how dreamy any one else is. As far as you care, you are the best damn thing on this earth since sliced bread. I learned that when I just cared to much for other people and put them before myself. I still do care immensely for others around me, but I have to remind myself every so often that I come first.

4. If You Don't Like Something About Yourself, Change It
       No one runs your life. So when you don't like something in it, the responsibility falls to you. Whether it's your personality, your clothes, or your body, making the change is on you. While in school, I would work out occasionally, but not enough to make a difference. I ate poorly and at all hours. I was depressed and anxious. I struggled a lot. I wanted my life to be better, but I wasn't willing to put in the work I needed to. After my freshman year, I hated the way my body looked, how I did in school, and how I felt about myself and my life. And now, a little over a year later, I love myself so much more. I didn't workout and eat healthy to fit anyone else's molds but my own. I wanted to feel good and I wanted to look good. I wanted to be more confident in myself. I oput the work in and I ma fixing my academics. I am getting my goal body. I am consistently fighting depression and anxiety. I wanted to be happy with who I am. I turned nineteen very unhappy with my life. And now, I am much more positive and much happier. I still have some flaws, but no one is perfect, and I am a work in progress. 

5. Failure is an Opportunity to Grow
       Anyone who has been reading over the past year knows that I ran into a lot of failure this year. Especially academically. I was forced to reevaluate my plans for college, graduation, finances, and just life in general. Addressing my failure and mistakes was hard. Really hard. It was not something I was used to or had dealt with in this magnitude before. It blew my mind when I realized the depravity of my situation. Thanks to the people who have supported me, I have been able to come back stronger than ever. Pride still stinging, I learned a lot of lessons from this. But most of all perseverance. I didn't give up in the face of adversity and my failures allowed me to see the world in a new way. I experienced life the hard way. I got knocked on my ass, and I had to fight tooth and nail to get to where I am now. I am still fighting to go beyond my situation. But in a way I am proud of my failure. It showed me that even when you are at your worst, you can still get better, do better, be better. I grew mentally and physically stronger and more resilient. And I am proud of who I have become as of now. 

6. You Only Get One Body
       The past couple of years my family has gone through a lot with health issues, big and small, coming from all sides. It really made me think about the way I took care of my body. Or I should say didn't take care of myself. I stayed up late, ate at irregular times, and when I did eat, it was a lot of junk food. Beyond that, I didn't take good care of myself mentally either. I would retreat into myself on bad days, and there came times when I wouldn't leave my room for days on end. I'd stay in bed, not eat, not sleep, just fade in and out of sleep. I procrastinated and skipped assignments and stressed over classes and grades. I knew it wasn't good for myself, but I was in such a slump, I felt like I couldn't reset while at school. Over the summer, I had the time and opportunity to finally force myself to do that reset.

7. Don't Be Afraid to Be Alone
       I struggled a lot when it came to this one. I knew what I wanted to say, I just had a hard time actually putting it into the right words. I think I've finally got it down this time. In college, you so often see everyone with their friends all of the time. And maybe for some people that's really easy. But for me, not so much. I've always struggled making friends, I don't know why, but I used to let that bother me a lot. Right after high school, I learned to value my real friends and not let the rest bother me. Now, two years through college, being away from my best friends for most of the year has taught me to live on my own without being totally dependent on them to live my life. I tried to replace them or at least find fillers. Then I realized I didn't want to do that. This past year I've become more independent from friend groups. Not to say I'm the weird loner, but I don't have a problem sitting alone to work outside or going out through the city alone. It's hard to get used to, but it's really great once you have. As for dining alone? Well let's leave that one to twenty.

8. If Someone Matters to You, Tell Them!
     Some of you probably remember the Relationship Fiasco earlier this year. While that applies here, that's not exactly what I mean. This past fall, I really came to terms with some pretty heavy stuff that happened in my past. When I did, I realized how much I had taken certain people in my life for granted. That day, I reached out to them, sort of apologized for things, and told them how much I value them and their friendship in my life. Since then, I've made an effort to be a better friend. Not just to them, but especially towards them. I'm not sure if any of the three of them know what they did. One day I'll tell them or they'll figure it out. Right now though, I'm going to focus on the now. Since I can't keep them near to me physically (One's up north, one's out west, and one's out to sea!), I'm going to keep them as close to my heart as I can.

9. Elle Woods was Right
       Context, Elle Woods is always right. But specifically when she said that exercise give you endorphins, endorphins make you happy, and happy people just don't kill their husbands. Not that I have any experiences about husband killing, but exercise really does make you happier. You know that annoying friend who is constantly chattering about their new mile time and playlist combos and how sore they are? Yeah. That's me now. But I really don't care that it's annoying to people. I've become much more active this past year and it's made me so much happier at my core. Well, both cores, the emotional one and the abdominal one. I just want to share that happy feeling with those around me! PS no, I don't do crossfit.. yet.

10. Travel Without Your Parents
       It doesn't even have to be far! I went to New York with my best friend instead of my family, like I usually do, and it was amazing! We wandered around a ton (11.3 miles!) and discovered some really great places to eat and had a ton of laughs. It was great because there was no familial power dynamic or dead set plans, we were just two really lost girls with really sore feet. It was very low key, and really fun. Traveling without your parents is a great way to really test your real world independence and survival skills. It sounds super fancy when I put it like that, but really, just get away from your family sometimes. This way you can just be yourself with the people who know you best without the stress. See? It even rhymes!

11. Drink More Water
       I know, I sound like your mother now. But I was one of those people who drank maybe two bottles a day. Maybe two and a half on a good day. Not anywhere near the amount you're supposed to drink in a day. Wanting to be healthier, I tried the gallon a day challenge. Jumping up that quickly was not my brightest plan, I had a killer stomach ache and got up to pee like six times that night. Yeah, not fun. Instead, I just try to drink more water through the day. I don't do enough of anything in a day to require a while gallon, but I try to fill up on water when I can. My skin is so much clearer, drinking more has actually made a noticeable difference in that aspect. And maybe it's a cheat trick, but drinking a cup before meals fills you up a little bit, tricking yourself into being a little more full.

12. Hard Work Pays Off
       In June of 2015 I was not in a good place. I had failed out of college, I was depressed, I was very overweight, and I was just generally miserable. I'm being honest here when I tell you that I worked incredibly hard at every facet of my life in order to improve it. I recognized that if I didn't put in the work to improve myself and my life, no one was. I spent most of the fall in the library and with my academic advisor. I spent most of the spring in my dorm working and exploring my world. I spent the whole year squeezing in workouts and runs and yoga and stretching. Blood, sweat, and a lot of tears went into this past year. And I don't regret a single bit of that.

13. Use Your Network
       Alternatively: Ask for help if you need it. Pride goeth before a fall. And when it does, that fall hurts like hell. During my Year of Hard Work, I really learned how to build and rely on the network of people to keep me motivated and moving at all times. And when I had a hard time with something, I knew I had people to fall back on and talk to who would help me get back up to where I needed to be. I only created that network this past year. Why? Because I had never needed it before. I never realized what an asset having that network could be or would become. Having my people backing, ones who cared about me and wanted me to succeed, made that Year of Hard Work feel a lot easier than it would have been if I were on my own.

14. Always Forgive, Never Forget
        This may not be the best advice for life, but I wholeheartedly believe in it. I'll admit I first learned this about five years ago, but similar situations were rehashed this year, and definitely brought it to light again. Its a concept that has taken me years to begin to comprehend. It really hit me the day I graduated high school (a story for another time), but like I said, it's become relevant again with the turn events. What I'm saying with this point is that when someone wrongs you, 90% of the time you ought to forgive them. Just for the sake of maturity and adult behavior. You don't have to be their best friends, just friendly enough to exist in the same room together. But unlike the idiom says, you should never forget. Forgetting, in my experience, makes people treat you like a doormat. Now I don't mean that you ought to through it around or use it as blackmail, this isn't an episode of Gossip Girl. I just mean you should remember how they treated you before and how they made you feel. And when it comes time for a third or fourth or whatever chance, take that into serious consideration and be wary. Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it.

15. Sometimes You Don't Just Get Better
       If you've been reading for a while, you know that over this past year, I've really tried to confront anxiety and depression and issues regarding my mental health. It was much harder than I originally thought, and I definitely learned a lot over the past few months. The hardest lesson I learned was this past spring. I started this semester pretty well. Everything was looking up and I was doing pretty well. Right after spring break, I fell into a slump. Struggling to focus, couldn't get work done, stopped working out, the whole nine yards. I didn't notice it until one day it hit me like a ton of bricks, depression had snuck back into my mind. I was so convinced that I had beaten it, I didn't realize that it was possible that it could come back. I finally realized that depression and anxiety aren't chicken pox. You can't just fight it off once, and be fine for the rest of your life. Mental health can't be quick fixed, its something you have to keep on top of every day. Managing it can be easy if you're careful and smart about it., but you can't just take a pill and snap, you're fine. It's going to be an ongoing process, because sometimes you don't just get better.

16. Don't Put All Your Eggs in One Basket
       What can I say, I'm a one basket kind of girl and I tend to put all my eggs in all at once and far too early. And I never learn. I know A is shaking her head now, knowing that she tells me every time, but I never believe her until afterwards. I mean, learn by doing, right? I think after what can only be described as an interesting year, maybe after this birthday, finally entering my twenties, I'll learn to go one egg at a time, and make "at a time" a little bit longer.

17. Don't Be Rude
       I know I sound like your mother, but it's true. I'm generally not a rude person, I smile at people, I say please and thank you, I hold doors for people. But this past year I come to notice that my manners have slipped a little bit I think. Not so much that I've turned into a bad person, but just enough where I've come to notice it. We live in a world with lots of not-so-nice people and I don't want to be one of them. I'm here to work hard to be a better human. Or at least a net-decent one. Don't be rude to people, it's unnecessary 99.9% of the time. You never know who you'll meet later in life, things have a habit of coming full circle!

18. Life is Short. Have Fun.
       I've believed in this this for many years, but I was remind of this just recently. Sometimes I forget that I still am young. I get so caught up in college, financials, work, etc., etc., and I just forget to stop and enjoy the damn moment for a second. I might be twenty years old, but I still have probably another 50-ish years to go. I have time to stop and have a little fun along the way.  And so do you.

19. Don't Regret.
       We've finally come to the end of our list! Looking back, I think I've been reminded of this quite a lot. I regretted a lot of things in my life. Failures, mistakes, accidents, and falling outs. I carried the weight of all of these things with me. And when you have that much guilt, that much you feel you owe to the world, it really does seem to break your spirit a little bit. And it hurts. Life isn't relaxing and enjoyable, it feels like a chore, dragging on and on. As I wrote this post the past few months, I realized that much of what I wrote about, were actually things I regretted. As I fine-tuned each point, wrote the paragraphs, thought about the experiences that lead me to where I am, that's when I really began to accept the things that happened, and from that, learn. If I could leave you with one resounding piece of advice it would be this; don't regret a second of your life. Time spent regretting things is time lost. Focus on the good in these experiences, and learn from them.


Now that I've finally finished this massively massive post, I have to thank certain people for making this year and these lessons what they have become. Most of these people don't even know this blog exists, so it makes this easier.
To J: What a crazy damn year. I'm glad we're still good friends through all of it.
To the Island: You're an amazingly supportive group of people, thank you for all being there for me when I needed you most. And I do apologize for the ridiculous griping.
To A: Girl you're my best friend and I swear on all that is holy in this world, I will get out there to see you soon! Your immeasurable patience with my less intelligent decisions is a godsend and I don't know how you deal with me.
And of course, to all of my, like, three readers: Thanks for sticking around. I have big plans for myself, my life, and my blog, and your readership is what pushes me to succeed.


But all that aside, I am glad to have been able to share this milestone in my life with all of you as well as the pieces of knowledge that I have gained over the past three hundred sixty five days of my life. Thank you all for your support, dedication, and most of all, patience. Here's to another year of my internet babbling!



Until next time, from M, Personally

6:00 AM
Hey there everybody. I've been gone a while. But I think it's time we had a pretty serious chat. This post has been pretty tough to write, but putting it off does no help for anyone. Some parts were easier than others to write. The what to say wasn't bad, but the how? That was the more difficult part. I kept trying to hammer it out, but it just wasn't happening. So I did what anyone would do. Packed up a bag, went to the southernmost point of LBI, sat down and wrote it out, pen and paper style. So here goes.

Photo Source

As I'm sure you all know, the past year as been incredibly difficult for me in quite a few ways, but especially academically. I'll save myself the trouble of typing it all out and you the boredom from reading it all. In short, I fucked up. Real bad. And I brought it back. In one calendar year, I moved my GPA from 1.05 to 2.35. It might only be 1.3 points, but any college students out there, you know how big of a deal that is.
Recently though, there have been more issues. I found out that I would need to take 18 credits in the fall semester in order to graduate on time. The meant an extra credit fee, and a lot more work. For reference, most of my friends were taking 15-16 credits per semester. I considered going longer, attending for another semester instead, but the grant I received from AU would only cover another four semesters. With a 43,000 annual tuition, I'm pretty dependent on that grant.
On top of that, I had been waitlisted for on campus housing. I was number 78 on the list, meaning I was pretty much SOL on that front. DC housing is very expensive. And I am very broke. So the situation was very bad.
So add up incredibly heavy workload, incredibly problematic housing, already a lot of debt, and a seemingly infinite number of little things I just couldn't stand, what does that give you? Ding, ding, ding! You guessed it! Yes sir or ma'am I am now a (not so) proud transfer student!
There's a lot more on that, but I'll save the details for a later, more specialized post.

Here is the plan for all this crazy shiz:
I transfer out of American University to Ocean Community College.
I will stay at OCC for the fall 2016 semester.
After that semester, I have two options:
1. I transfer to a state university near New York or Philadelphia to finish my Bachelor's degree.
2. I stay for the year to finish my Associate's in Liberal Arts/Political Science, then transfer to a state university to finish my Bachelor's.

I haven't decided yet, but it's something I'm going to have to think long and hard about. I'll probably do a lot of my deliberation here, but also with my parents as well as an academic advisor from OCC. Either way, my goal is to graduate by December 2018 with a major in Political Science and minor in Communications or Journalism. It is a flexible plan, as I have certainly learned that strict plans aren't always good plans.

To that effect, there is one quote that certainly describes the life lessons I've learned this is it...


Anyone who knows me, knows one big thing about me: I plan. I plan everything. I plan so much sometimes, I don't do. It's a big flaw of mine, but I'm slowly (very slowly) learning to live with/control it. I've been getting better, but transferring? Well it was a pretty big punch in the face.. 

Hard, fast, and right in the face

Yeah it felt kind of like that looked. I knew in my mind that transferring was the right decision for me, but it just felt like I had failed. My grand plan for college was 100% out the window now. I felt like I wasted so much time and money. I felt like I had failed everyone in my life. I couldn't do it.In my head it was the right choice. But to the rest of me, I felt like I should've stayed, for everyone else. 

I was really overwhelmed by my decision and I reacted in a very adult way. I went to bed at 6 PM and watched YouTube videos. 

(Yes, I am definitely ready to grow up, I assure you.)

But one of the videos I watched was Estee Lalonde's #FindingYou video all about the thing all twenty-somethings know so well, a Quarter Life Crisis. 


I always joked about having a quarter life crisis. And some of those times I really thought I was having a quarter life crisis. But until I literally turned everything on it's head, I never really had a legitimate crisis. I'm sure plenty of people would bash the idea, of a quarter life crisis, but my situation really felt/feels like a crisis. I had operated on my own perfect college ideal for so many years, and now, here I was, throwing that out the window. More on that another time, but it's safe to say I was freaking the f@!# out having a legitimate quarter life crisis. 
But after watching Estee's video, I really felt better about it. I mean, I was still flipping out, but just like two or three steps down from utter freak out. It was oddly comforting to be reminded that plenty of other people have these crises too, even the lovely Estee.
At the end of the video, I think I got the best advice. What will be will be, the idea that yes it's your life, but somethings will happen and you just have to be flexible and roll with it. Take as many opportunities as you can, don't be a passenger, life is short so live it the the best you can. Take the reins a bit. If you screw up, it's okay, it's part of life. 
The best bit to me was when Estee says that if you're starting to feel this crisis coming on, just know that it's your mind and body telling you that you're starting a new phase in your life and this is the time to start cementing everything in your life that you like and finding what makes you happy. That and the idea that your twenties is such a perfect time to take all the chances you've wanted to take.

I finished Estee's video with a weird calm. I had this new sense of reassurance regarding my decision, but also a new sense of "can-do." There had been an idea rolling around in my head for a while, but it was finally starting to solidify, becoming less of an idea or a possibility, and more of a reality. I just kept thinking, you know, I could do that..

And that's when I said to myself, you know what? F@!# it, why couldn't I do it? What is holding me back??

I've been watching YouTubers since the days when Shay Carl started his channel, iJustine was the only queen of YouTube, Phil DeFranco was just sxephil, Let's Play's were all long, and the What The Buck Show was the only drama show around. Ten years ago, I was nine years old. Being a YouTube content creator was only something that cool adults did. Now there are people of all ages from all around the world. Technology is so much more available, for goodness sake, we have a 1080p webcam just sitting in a spare drawer! I remember when YouTube didn't even have HD video for goodness sake! 

So here I am. At my quarter life crisis. My twenties there in front of me. A whole new decade. A whole new chapter, ready to be written. So here I am. Taking a gigantic leap into something that scares the ever-loving hell out of a shy introvert like myself. I'm going to put myself on camera, listen to and watch myself talk, and I'm going to put it on the internet. For everyone to see. I'm going to go after my childhood dream. I'm going to start a YouTube channel. 


It's one small step for bloggers, one giant leap for M-kind. 

I tried to make that witty, but I don't think it went as well as I planned. Either way. You get it. 

Why am I doing this? Because I have something to say to the world. Something that I think some people would want to and maybe even, dare I say, enjoy listening to. I also want to connect with people. The blog is an amazing way for me to do that, but YouTube is a more personal way of connecting with people.

Am I terrified of people I know watching my videos? Oh dear lord yes. It's one of the little fears I have to conquer though. It's going to happen. And if I want to end up like Justine or Phil, I kind of should get used to it don't I?

Do I think I will really hit the levels that these big Tubers are at? Ahahaah oh dear god no I don't. That being said, they didn't think they would hit that level either, just saying.

In all reality, I still have a lot to hammer out with this idea. A little bit of rebranding/restyling of the blog, recreating cover and logo photos, and getting my hands on some decent editing software that won't break the bank among other things. I want to try to film and post my first video within the next couple of weeks (eek!). It'll be rough, but you've gotta start somewhere! I'll have to post more about the channel and my progress with it soon in a more focused post. 

To close all this up, I want to drop some reality here. I was on a high from Estee Lalonde's video when I made this decision. By the time I finally finished this post, I had had a few days of thought on the subject. I was shrinking back again, nervous about making this leap. I thought about how confident I was that I could succeed if I really dedicated myself to being a content creator. But then what if I failed? What if someone saw my videos and thought I was lame or a loser? What if I just embarrassed myself? I was so worried about everything and everyone. That day, I watched Jack Howard's new video. I really like Jack as an internet personality. I think he's funny and he seems so confident in his videos, like talking to the camera is so effortless for him. I liked this video, because it really brought home a lot for me. The last thing Jack says in this video is, "Is it possible to be confident and insecure?     Yep."   

And it kind of hit me. Everyone gets insecure about things. And having your face on the internet for everyone to see? Yeah, that's probably really tough. Whether its 30 people, or 3 million people, it's always going to be hard. 




So there it is folks. I'm terrified, and excited. Confident, and insecure. But I am 100% ready for this next great leap in my life. I've got a lot planned, and it's going to be a lot of work. But it's all going to come together nicely I think. I'm completely changing my life plan around, and I think I'm a little bit happy to be this nervous about it. I mean, I've got the whole universe in front of me and no one can stop me.

If you've made it this far, go you! In the comments below, let me know your experiences with quarter life crises, transferring schools, or tackling a big dream! Until next time,

Coming to you from M, Personally
8:18 AM

It's Me, M.

Uh, hey. Long time, no speak. We haven't really had a good heart to heart in a long time. Not since Thanksgiving '14 with that food poisoning incident.. Bad memories..

But yeah, I'm not really so good at the praying thing. Talking out loud makes people stare, I forget my train of thought when I try it in my head, and let's be real, the hands thing? It's a little outdated, don't you think? I'm not good at the praying thing, but I'm pretty okay at blogging and writing.

That's besides the point. What I'm here for today is some encouragement and a little bit of support. It's been really messy the past few weeks, and the past twenty four hours have just been, in short, hell on Earth.

Now I know I'm not the perfect person according to the bible's definition, but I'm a decent human. I volunteer, donate when I can, generally a kind person. I have room for improvement, but doesn't everyone? Anyways, I haven't killed anyone so that has to mean something.

I was never sure if you were real or not, but I've always said, if you are real, I'm a decent person, so I'd be pretty okay to you.

Like I said, I live a decent life. I've had highs and lows. Lately, I feel like it's been a lot more lows than highs. With financial stress, needing housing, family health issues, personal health issues, and everything this past weekend, I won't lie, it kind of feels like the world is against me.

Now don't get me wrong, plenty of people have it way worse than me. I'm not saying my life should be perfect, everyone needs ups and downs. Even if the downs are really crappy.

I see life lessons in all of these though. I am learning, if that's what this is. I'm learning humility and morality with the health issues. Life is short, enjoy it while you can. You need to love the people you're with while your with them. It's a lesson that I've been lucky that I haven't had to really learn until now.

With the financial stresses, I'm learning to live within my means and not be so greedy. That's a pretty big flaw of mine, greed and jealousy. It colors my opinions of many, many people. I don't know if you can tell, but I am trying now I really am. It's slow and hard for me to learn, because sometimes I just slip back into the habit of it. To prove I'm trying, I'm doing that 8 day detox. Yoga, clean eating, that part is for me really. But the detox portion is to cleanse yourself of a behavior. For eight days, I'm going to write down every time that I am jealous and greedy. I want to watch what I do and try to reduce, if not eliminate these kinds of thoughts from my mind. I don't know if eliminating it entirely is possible, but I am trying.

As for needing housing, that one, that one was a hit to my pride. The past year, I've learned that hubris is most certainly my fatal flaw. I'm too proud. It's not just pride, but it's stupidly large amounts of pride. It makes me feel like I'm better than other people, that I don't ever need help. It's bad. Really bad. I rejected a housing proposition because I thought I was better than those people. Actually I did it twice! I should know better. I really should. Now that I'm essentially homeless for next fall, I'm being very sternly reminded that I should never be too proud.

As for this weekend, I'm keeping this intentionally vague, but if you are real and reading this, I'm pretty sure you know what I'm talking about here. This week, with the boy, has been absolutely amazing. I've not been this happy in a long time. It was only a week, but it was.. It was wonderful. On Sunday, that happiness came to an abrupt halt, where real life interrupted our little week-long daydream. I feel like this is a test to me. I made some claims a while ago. I said I could handle it. I said it would be easy for someone like me. It was a bit of pride again. I lied. It is hard. This is one of if not the hardest thing I've done in my life. I was stupid to say it was easy. When I said that, it was an easy situation. This is unbelievably difficult. It is most certainly testing.

This weekend also is reminding me of my conceit. Another awful flaw. I forget sometimes, quite often actually, that the world doesn't revolve around me. The globe is bigger than I am. There is seven billion people in the world. Every single one of them is important. I am one of those important ones, but I'm not the only one. So I've talked about myself this while time. I want to talk about other people too, and the real reasons why I'm writing this.

Mic will be very glad I wrote this, I think. She does this stuff much more than I do. I texted her last weekend and asked her to pray for someone else on this list. Without hesitation she said she would. And she said she prays for me too. Which, in the moment, was a lot to hear. In a good way. I asked her because other than that, there isn't much I can do for that person. So because of her, this post is happening.
My family doesn't really do the religion thing either. More of agnostic types. I really should put in a good word for them too. It's a tough time, financially, medically, etc. Struggles are a part of life. I know that. But I want them to get through this. Especially my sister. Her more than anyone. She has a lot to look forward to in life. And I want her to be able to do it.

My best friend, A, isn't really too religious either I don't think. And she's really doing great right now. I'm not sure if you can pray for a continued resolution type thing, but if that is possible, that'd be good to add. She's changed so much in the four years that I've known her, from a really tough down time to the current up. I know there will be lows again, there always has to be, but I really want her up to last a little bit longer. She seems pretty happy with everything now, and I do really want that to stay for her.

There's a lot of people I should mention. But there's one I really want to write to you about. The past week, I learned a lot about you-know-who. And he's been through a lot in his life. And he's made it through it all. I didn't know him then, but I am so proud of him for overcoming it all and making it to this point. He's a hard worker, dedicated to his job and lifestyle. He's got to be the bravest person I know. For the next few weeks, he's risking his life for a bigger cause. I can't say what or where or how. But you'll know. At first I was going to as you to keep him safe, but I wanted it for me. It was so greedy to want him back for myself. And then I thought, and really if he doesn't come back to me specifically, that's okay. Just get him back. Get him through this last year. Let him achieve his dreams. He wants to be a cop soon. He wants nothing, but to save lives. He is a good man. So yes keep him safe and bring him back to me, because I think we could be a we for a long, long time. But I'm not asking for me, you know what I mean? I'm asking for the family he'll save by stopping a drunk driver. For the kids who won't do drugs when he arrests a dealer. He'll be the first kind face that the girl who was raped will see, he'll be the first one to take down an armed robber, he'll be the one to put his life on the line to help anyone. One day it might be the reason he goes. But it's not fair for him to go now, before he's done any of that. Not that it isn't fair for me, but it's not fair for that family, those kids, that girl, that victim, any of them. He's got a lot of life left. So please bring him back, just for them.


I always joked that if you did something for me, I would go to church. Now, I'm not waiting to see. I'm going to just go. I'm going to listen, to read, to think, and pray a little bit. I don't know if I'll go this weekend, just because I don't know where to go. I'll go when I'm home. Just for the service. I really don't want to do the singing and the volunteering and the whole nine yards. I'm not it in for all that. I don't know if that makes me a bad religious person, but it's still better than what I've been doing I guess. I'm there for the introspection, thought, and I guess proving dedication to these people, to fixing these flaws, and to learning these lessons.

I've always said religion was a security blanket. And I stand by that. This is me reaching out to for security blanket. I need something else for encouragement and support. I feel weird ending this with an amen, so I guess, talk to you later?

Writing (praying?) from you to M, Personally


PS. This one is more on the conceited side, and isn't a total request, but if things work out with A and her boy and me and the one I talked about here, we'd end up with the same last name. I know, it's been a week, and nothing is definite, but if I could have one thing on here just for me, I would highly suggest it be this bit. Not definitely, but just tossing it out there. Things could change, but I am not opposed to this thing happening one day in the future.
10:55 AM
Oh yes. The big IT.

I was sitting on Facebook the other day when this article showed up on my timeline. Nine things you need to know about people who conceal their depression. It kind of hit me as I read it and I realized that my depression had been creeping back over the past few months.

Before I jump into this post, I want to make it clear that there is a difference between self-diagnosed depression, and depression diagnosed by a doctor. Self-diagnosed sad feelings are very different than actual depression. If you think you have depression, of course tell someone and reach out to get help. It is not a glamorous issue, and should not be romanticized or made light of.

My experience with depression has been pretty short. I always assumed I was a self-diagnosed person. I was just sad and upset, but just down. I knew I'd be fine eventually. I worked to shake off what I felt, and continued my days, acting like it wasn't there. Last summer, I finally went to a doctor about it, and was diagnosed with anxiety and depression.

I hide it from pretty much everyone I know personally, because I don't want it to affect how people view me or treat me or act around me. Of course, now that I post it here, it's a lot less private. But I'm posting it here to confront these feelings, trying to take them out in a new way. So let me get back to my story.

The past few months have been really stressful for me. A lot is riding on my academic performance this semester. I have definitely improved over time, but it's still a difficult and slow transition out of the bad habits I had last year. I've also been under a lot of stress trying to get my class schedule squared away, especially since I register so late in the process. There has also been problems with my housing for next fall. As of right now, I am dorm-less. I cannot afford an apartment near campus, so if I don't get housing, I don't know if I'll be back to AU next fall. On top of that, I've had some added stress because of my current friend-situation, which always seems to be in-flux these past few years. Then, throw in some family health issues, and financial issues. And I have yet to hear back about any jobs for this coming summer.

All of that, plus being hit with the final reality that my entire college/life plan is out the window, it's been a pretty difficult, like, four weeks. I'm not bitching about it really, just having a good old venting session to you guys. Okay so yeah, bitching a little bit.

But it took all of this, plus a couple of those really oddly deep posts from some poem account on Twitter for me to realize the deeper issue here. Without realizing it, I have really sunk back into a depressed mindset. I let the negative and anxious and sad and scared thoughts take over my mind again.

A few days ago, my parents had a sort of mini, spur of the moment intervention, asking about me and how I was feeling and acting. They suggested that I come back home, transfer to a more local university. I didn't realize what they were actually saying, more than just talking about school trouble.

Today, I realized that I was settling back into my old habits, watching Netflix, ignoring people I know, skipping classes, avoiding homework. I stopped working out because of an allergy spike, but never got back to it. I just haven't been taking care of my body. Physically or mentally. And it was taking a toll. I was gaining back the weight I worked really hard to lose, my grades were beginning to slip  a little bit, I was lethargic all of the time, I stopped eating regular meals. And, I've been severely neglecting my blog. Looking back at the past few weeks, it has not been good. Actually, it's been really freaking crappy, the way I've been acting, thinking, and treating myself.


The most popular post on my blog, to this day, was one I made back in September called, Today I Will Be Happy. It was a quick post, a promise to myself to make the 24 hours after that 24 good hours. I had a picture of some flowers I had bought. I promised myself that I would be happy.

Today I hypothetically stand before you in the form of this very long blog post with a similar promise. For the next three weeks, I will be positive. I can't promise that I will be happy every day, but I will be positive, I will be productive, and I will be present. I will try my hardest every day to accomplish as much as I can. And I will work on myself. I will work as hard as I can to grow in mind, body, and spirit, to be the past version of myself that I can be, both mentally and physically.

I received a final care package from Mama K a few days ago. In it contained a few food items and a couple garbage bags for the last few days of my semester. I also got a few items to help me along the next few days including a bag of Dove chocolates, a new coloring book, my favorite beat-up old shoes (what they lack in arch-support, they make up for in mental support!) and Harriet.

Hear me out and don't think I'm too crazy.

In my final care package, my mom included a small bucket. In the bucket was a few condensed dirt disks, a seed packet, and planting directions for a small Chinese Forget-Me-Not plant. Which I have named Harriet. Why Harriet? Because she just wasn't a Harold. So I'm going to be the epitome of lame, and use Harriet as a metaphor for myself. I've got to remember to water my plant and take care of it to make sure it grows. Every day that I do that, I'm going to use it as a reminder to take care of myself too. Watering Harriet every morning will be the metaphor for taking care of myself. She's going to be the reminder (pun pretty much intended) for me to go out and run, eat at least two nutritious meals a day. sit for three minutes of meditation, work on my homework, prepare for the next day. For the next three weeks, Harriet's growth will be my growth. We will grow together. Hopefully I will not sprout flowers like her, but you get my gist.

Considering it's coming up on 2 AM, I'll close it out with a picture of little Harriet in her cute little bucket. And for the record, no, I have no clue how I'll get her home without dropping her at least twice and I am terrified.


(She started to sprout this weekend!)

Anyone else struggle having a rough patch? How do you get through the bad days? Let's talk about it in the comments down below.

Until next time,

Writing to you from M, Personally
6:00 AM
source


Yesterday, after having a good old-fashioned rant sesh with a friend, I made a declaratory statement that had been on my mind for a while. I was fed up with spending so much time in my dorm, tired of sitting around, ready for a change! I want to explore the city, get more involved with the local community, see what this city has to offer, go to new club meetings, meet new people, and just have a memorable experience here!

What I said was: I need to get out more.

Unfortunately what she heard was: I was to go to a party.

Cause that's where I got invited. I said maybe, since I'm apparently very bad at saying no.

In the moment, I really struggled with the decision, do I go to be a good sport? Everyone will be drinking there, do I want to deal with that? Would I have to stay the night? The apartment was 2 miles away from campus, that's a long way to walk home alone in the dark.

I started to say no, but was immediately met with the ultimate coercion, "But you have to!"

I ended the discussion with a resounding maybe, and a promise to seriously consider going. Unfortunately, that was a little bit of a lie, I'm only seriously considering good excuse to get out of it.

This morning, I was texting the best advice unit, my mother, about the predicament. After explaining the whole deal, Mama K imparted her wisdom upon me: This was Peer Pressure.

It was like every light in my mind went off at once, cue the Queen song, yes folks, this is indeed peer pressure. My response? Oh.

I realized that for the first time in my life, I was being peer pressured to do something I didn't want to do. My mind flashed back to all of those DARE lectures from the local cops in elementary school. While my friend wasn't trying to get me to do hardcore drugs like the officers talked about, the idea was the same. And it kind of freaked me out a little bit.

Before this, the only kind of peer pressure I had was to eat that third piece of pizza or to go on the Gravitron at the carnival. I realized how different this situation was than what I was used to. I had never had someone who I considered a friend try to push me into doing something that extreme I really didn't want to do. I mean not that a house party is extreme, but it's something I didn't want to do, she knew that, and she didn't care.

I mean, it didn't greatly affect me. I stood my ground pretty well, and I didn't go because I didn't want to. But it still made me pretty uncomfortable knowing that she didn't care enough about my feelings and opinions to recognize the fact that I didn't want to go.

What am I going to do about it? Well honestly, I don't know. By the time you're reading this, it's been about a week and a half since the incident and the party is long over now. I am icing her out a little bit, because I don't know if I want to be friends with someone who doesn't recognize that I don't like nor do I want to attend these kinds of parties. I don't judge anyone who wants to go, it's just not for me. That's where I'm leaving it for now, putting the issue on hold for a while. I'll wait it out and make a final decision later. Why? Because in complete honesty, I don't want to deal with friendship issues right now. I just want to get my work done so I can go home to see my best friends, play with my dog, and have more free time to write.

I'd best be off to finish up my homework now, I've got three quarters of a presentation to finish due at 6! Before I go, I want to ask, has anyone else had to deal with situations like this? How did you respond? What happened? Leave me your sage advice in the comments!

Until next time,

Writing to you from M, Personally
6:00 AM



Last year I was invited back to my AP English teacher's classes to speak to them about college. I spoke to them at the end of my first semester, which, in my head, went pretty well. Now, two years in, my experience is much different. In the time since I last spoke in her classes all of this happened:

- I fell in love
- Twice
- Got my heartbroken
- Twice
- And thrice
- I cut off 9 inches of hair
- Twice? (well I haven't decided yet)
- I got my first F
- I got three more
- I cried in front of an academic professional
- I failed out of college
- I got a second chance
- I learned the value of second chances
- I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression
- Someone I knew was sexually harassed and I felt responsible
- I learned how to budget my "funny money"
- I overdrafted my bank account
- A lot
- I learned how to stop a panic attack
- I learned how to blow dry my hair
- I leaned the value of regular skin care
- Found new interests
- Found friends
- Lost friends
- Found a good pair of heels

All that, and definitely a lot more that I couldn't think of. Now that I'm being asked back to speak again, I don't even know what to talk about.

I don't want to come in all doom and gloom and scare the shit out of these poor kids. That being said, I don't want to be all happy, sunshine, and daisies and pretend that the real world isn't real. I'm actually really struggling to figure out what to say to these students. I want to warn them about the dangers of risky behavior, but I always want to keep it light and let them know that college is a good time. I tried to think back to the questions I had, but honestly can't remember what I wanted to know..

I'm just going to jump in here and  come up with a little rough draft type thing. Here goes:

Hey everyone! I'm really excited to be back and speaking to you guys today. I spoke to the classes last year, and I have to say, I have definitely learned a lot since then, so you guys are getting the better speech. My name is (anonymous!) and I'm going to be a junior at American University in Washington DC. Any other future DC students here? Yes? No? Awesome! What school? (bla bla bants). Okay, back to what I was saying. I'm a Political Science major, big shocker. I have a focus in American Government. I am also working towards a certificate in Women, Politics, and Political Leadership. I also have a big interest in foreign policy regarding Russia, and what I guess you could call military policy. Outside of politics, I don't do much. No, I'm kidding. I also like to run, I practice yoga, very badly, but it counts, I write a little bit, and I read a lot in my spare time. I also spend a lot of time on Netflix, but I probably shouldn't tell you all that.
Okay, now that I'm done talking about myself, I'll get to my little spiel. I'll try to keep it short and sweet, no promises, and then afterwards, you can ask me any questions you have. Before I jump in, I want to start with saying that everyone's college experience is different. You might get to college, and be like, wow that girl was totally off, what the heck. This is just me sharing what I've learned so far with you to give you an idea going into it all.
So I'm going to start off a little bit deep here, but I promise it's not all doom and gloom!
College is definitely a difficult adjustment for anyone. Even if you're staying local, it's really hard to take the same schedule that you've had for, like, 13 years, and just turn it upside down. No one tells you when or what to eat, no one reminds you about homework, and one I really struggled with, no one reminds you to sleep. It's definitely a lot of fun. But you have to be careful and make sure than the college diet, late nights, and forgotten assignments don't pile up. One big problem that a lot of people struggle with in college is stress affecting their mental health. I was going to bring all these statistics and stuff, but I figured it would be more real to talk about it honestly. Mental health carries a pretty big stigma for a lot of people, myself included. It can be very hard to come to terms with things like that, but I can now tell you guys that I've had problems with stress affecting me in college. And it's not something to be ashamed of. When I first realized there was a problem, I did the really smart thing, and I didn't tell anyone. Not my brightest plan. I struggled a lot with my academics, some other problems with friends and family and finances, and I like I was really going through everything alone. And that was really scary. I finally hit a point where I realized how much trouble I was in, and I reached to my academic advisor. God bless the woman, she's a saint. That meeting with her, I went through probably six boxes of tissues. But I talked to her and we made a plan. I talked to my parents and we made a plan. I talked to my two best friends, who don't go to my school, I had been neglecting them. I talked to them, and made amends. It was an uphill battle from there, but I think I did pretty okay. If there is any wisdom I can impart from that, it would be to be aware if your state of mind, because things like that really sneak up on you. And if you get into trouble, whether it be relating to mental health, academics, friends, or anything, always reach out to people. Your professors, your academic advisor, a parent, a mentor, a friend, anyone. Don't try to push through on your own. You have a support system behind you, don't be like me, don't be too proud to rely on them sometimes!
Okay, downer, I know. One more quick heavy thing, and then that part is over I promise. One other thing I want to make sure to mention is sexual assault. It is a big problem on college campuses. It's one of those things that's not real, until it it. I'm not saying don't trust anyone and stay in your dorm all the time, I'm just saying, be aware of your surroundings, who you're with, where you're going, all the usual stuff. You can never be too careful. Watch out for yourself and your friends. And if something does happen, definitely reach out someone you trust.
Now that I've thoroughly depressed you all, I want to say, I promise, college isn't like some black hole. Despite all the scary deep stuff I just talked about, college has been the greatest experience of my life. It is full of amazing opportunities and great new experience, and you should take advantage of every one of them. I was definitely a comfort-zone kind of girl before college. Okay, well, I still am a little bit, but because I have tried new things and met new people and had new experiences, I was able to see a whole new world. Definitely use your professors as a resource. If you have a cool professor, go to their office hours. Even just to talk to them about the latest Game of Thrones episode. Professors are actually pretty cool, believe it or not. Taking new or different classes can be a great experience. A friend of mine found her mentor in a professor that we both had last fall. My friend now minors in that class area and absolutely loves it. Me? I learned that it's not exactly my cup of tea. And that's okay! College is definitely a time to try new things. Talk to people. Go to club meetings. Though club connections, I met Karl Rove, I went to Kentucky, I spent a week in Chicago, I debated on a panel, I even started my own campus organization!. You can experience so many amazing things with some amazing new people just by trying out a new club. And if it's not your thing, you don't have to go again!
So the last big point of my spiel is that anything can be an adventure. I'm that person who will text my friends at all hours saying, Hey, wanna go on an adventure? And my 'adventures' can be anything from going into the city to the Korean War Memorial for a three hour sunset study to running out to get milk at one in the morning to monumenting and laying in the empty Lincoln Memorial in the middle of the night in February. We had so much fun and saw the weirdest and coolest and most interesting things. If you don't believe me, one time we went down to get milk and on the way back, someone drove by us with their windows down, music blaring. And the song playing was Wonderwall. I swear to God, it was Wonderwall at 1 AM on a Tuesday night. And we laughed so hard, we sat on the ground and cried. So, yeah, anything can be an adventure if you're willing to make it one.
I'm sure you're all tired of hearing me talk by now, so I'll close it up. College can be the best years of your life (wow, cliche much?). But you have to put in a little effort too. I so, so encourage everyone of you to go out and try new things and experience life to its fullest. Just remember to do your homework occasionally, or else it can catch up with you. And if it does, it's not the end of the world, even though it might seem like it at that time. Before you guys start with the questions, I just want to let you know I put my info up on the board. it's just my name, my email, and my phone number. If you have any other questions you didn't want to ask here or think of later or if you just want to say hi, you can email me or text me or I don't know, stalk me on Facebook or something. I'm always around, just let me know who you are first.
Okay, I'm finally done now. So I'll take any question you guys have, you can ask me about anything you'd like.



Wow okay, that was a lot. I'll be speaking to three AP English classes and this it'll be something along these lines. What would you add? Take out? Let me know what you think, I definitely need some constructive criticisms here!

I'm finishing this post super late, so I've got to get going. Until next time,

Writing to you from M, Personally



6:00 AM
Copyright © 2015 M, Personally | Distributed By My Blogger Themes | Designed By VeeThemes.com