A First Post

So word on the street is that this blog will help me "manage my anxiety" and "channel my stress into a more productive outlet." Or at least that's what I've been told. Essentially I'm the teenage girl version of John Watson in Sherlock. Except, you know, not the war thing..

I'm just your average college girl who secretly loves the color pink and has above average anxiety and stress levels.

I started this blog because it was "extremely recommended." No it wasn't technically mandatory, but if you had heard the tone that the extreme recommendation had come with, you'd be here writing this instead of me.

I mean I can't complain too much. I had a choice, a blog, a journal, or "talking" sessions. A blog just seemed like the least painful option. I really hate doing that "talking" thing. If one person asks me how something makes me "really feel" I'm going to just die right there.

Well before I rant to you about all my problems in the world, I guess I ought to introduce myself.

I'm M and I'm anonymous.

(hi M)

Sorry. AA Joke. Sick sense of humor, I know, I've been told.

But really, I'm M and this is my little anonymous corner of the internet. Why anonymous? Because there are some pretty weird people out there and I'd rather be known as a letter than be turned into a skin suit.

All laughs aside, I really should get to introducing myself. I'm currently a freshman at American University. I will hopefully be returning in the fall as a sophomore at American University, but after my pretty big screw up this year, who even knows.

I digress. Back to talking about me.

I've always been the baby of my grade, and I still am. I'll be 19 this July, summer birthday kids unite. I've always hated my birthday though. Again, a digression, I'll come back to that another time.

I am afraid of, like, way too many things. Skin suits actually being one of the things. I'm also afraid of large groups of ants, failure, being embarrassed, being hated/unaccepted/disliked, disappointment, small talk, missing out on something important, the dark, clowns, jump scares, bodies of water deeper than my chest, and a lot (a lot) of other things. Ooh, and roller coasters, not really a fan of upside-down.

My childhood nickname was Chicken Lady. And I absolutely hated it.

I write the exact way I speak, biting sarcasm, snarky comments, and all.

I LOVE oxford commas.

I love classic movies. Yes that means I worship Breakfast at Tiffany's. No I don't care about anything you have to say on that.

I love reading more than life itself. There is nothing better than I good book. I read pretty much every genre and I'll read (almost) anything once. I have never read 50 Shades of Grey, nor will I every consider it actual literature. Not until someone takes (1) a dictionary, (2) a thesaurus, and (3) a match to the damn thing. My summer beach reads will include: Fault in Our Stars, Anna Karenina, Pride and Prejudice, and if there's time, a bit of Kurt Vonnegut here and there. I'll definitely have plenty of posts on my reading. That's something I can rant about for ages.

I love to organize, but I live in a constant state of semi-organized chaos. I'm a paradox, what can I say.

I own a label maker, and yes, I did use the label maker to make a label for the label maker. I labeled it 'Label Maker'.

I am a Republican. I am a Feminist. Believe it or not, the two are not mutually exclusive, though many seem to think so.

My life goal is somewhere between Blair Waldorf, Holly Golightly, and Kate Middleton.

I found the cover photo for this post on Google Images, so it's definitely not me.

My favorite smells are old books, new ink written on paper, right before it snows, and the smell after rain.

I prefer the Oxford English Dictionary to Merriam-Webster. But I do use the Random House Unabridged Dictionary more. If you know what that is, please pat yourself on the back.

I live in what I call the Poor Prep lifestyle. What does that mean? It means I have Kate Spade taste on a Target budget. Yeah. It sucks just as much as it sounds.

I do suffer slightly from depression and anxiety. I suffer from BRFBs, specificall Excoriation Disorder, which wrecks havoc on an anxiety sufferer. But I really don't let that stuff define me. Just because I have issues doesn't mean they run my life.

Until recently, I've had trouble accepting my mistakes and never learned from many of my more recent ones. After having most of those coming back to bite me in the butt, and changing a lot of things in my life, I'm determined to learn from, fix, accept, and move forward from those mistakes.

I'm trying to stop cursing as much (read: I have to stop dropping the f-word in polite company), but I'll close up my first post with this this bit of honesty:
I fucked up. And pretty badly too.

But that's okay. Because it happens to everyone eventually. And a lot of times the average person really can't fix their mistakes and come back stronger.

And that leads me to my final fact for this post:

I'm not the average person. I'm not even a somebody. I'm the best. I'm M.

Writing to you from M, Personally

"Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes."               -Oscar Wilde


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