It's been a while hasn't it! After making a lot of big decisions, I decided that I ought to take some time off from everything go focus for a bit and give myself a reset after everything that happened. If you weren't around then, let me fill you in on everything that's happened..

In June, I decided to transfer colleges. I had been thinking about leaving American for over a year, but I wasn't mentally ready to make the move until after my sophomore year. Being so late I didn't have many options as to where to go. After some thought, I decided that the local community college was the best option for me while I was in limbo between "regular" colleges. So I pulled the plug on American, unpacked all my boxes at home, and had a little meltdown.

Transferring was hard for me. More so mentally than anything else. It was hard for me to say that AU wasn't the best fit for me. My own pride made it very difficult for me to go from an academically great school, to a community college. I was so excited to leave my town and what was a semi toxic friend environment, that it was a huge hit to have to come back home and go to OCC for the year. Back in June, I thought I was coming back like a wounded dog, head down and proverbial tail between my legs. But after two or so months of thinking about the situation, I've really started to come to terms with it.

I had taken the summer off to keep everything lighter, focus on myself, my jobs, and my goals. And it was great. I went full force into planning everything. Usually, I get a little overboard with that, but this time it actually worked to my benefit. Like I mentioned in my Quarter Life Crisis post, I started to realize I wasn't happy with my life. Fed up with it, I decided that I was going to change it all. Over the past two and some months, I've changed my major, my goals, and my entire mentality. And my room, which I am loving, by the way. Now instead of working towards a good job and a good life that'll provide me with a decent future, I'm throwing, like, 90% of caution to the wind and diving head first into my true goals.

Back in 2006, I was ten years old. That was when YouTube began. Not only the spur to a cultural revolution, I was enamored with it. Over the years, I watched a lot of Phil Defranco, a lot of What The Buck, and a lot of iJustine. I thought YouTubers were the coolest people. They worked for themselves, they were brave enough to post on the internet, and they had fun jobs. It was the first time I had seen someone who really enjoyed their jobs and I wanted to do it. At ten I said I wanna do that, but I'm too young, too shy, too poor, and most of all, I was too chicken, just like everyone else said. I know, I was a really positive child. But I held that mentality up until this past June when I looked at my life, kind of hated it, essentially said 'Eff This' and moved on to do what I wanted. It's my life. Why was I letting myself take a nap in the passenger seat?? I jumped up, took the wheel, and decided to drive my life where I wanted it to go. Metaphorically, of course. If we're being honest, this whole epiphany thing happened at like 2 AM over a tub of ice cream while crying. We all have lows, okay?

So that's where I am now. I'm starting a YouTube channel. I'm effing terrified, but I think it's going to go well. I have a lot to learn and plenty of mistakes will be made, but it's gonna be fun, right? I'll have all, like, three of you dear readers to support me along the way, so I'll give you the skinny on the whole deal now.

My blog is going to stay like it is, a generally unfocused lifestyle blog. I've always posted what I felt I wanted to say, and that won't really change much. I'm going to try to stilt it a little more towards the college lifestyle niche, but again, I post what I like to write.

My channel though, will be focused on college and my college journey. As a transfer, I have a unique opportunity to share my journey with you all. There isn't a lot of information online about transferring, at least that I could find, and I felt like I could help fill that gap. I felt like videos would be more natural, more personal, as opposed to just words on a page. I want to be able to share my experience with others, and I want to create a space where others can share theirs too.

The one big change will be a bit of rebranding. With the new revival of the blog and new dedication to the potential future of all of this, I feel like it's time for me to take everything to the next level. In the coming weeks I will be buying my URL and instituting a new theme with a new logo. I was hoping to have everything done for the relaunch, but it just wasn't feasible for me. So hang tight, thing's might be a little funky for a while!

So, all of that being said and done, here I am, at the edge of the diving board into a pool. And for the first time in my life, I have the courage to jump in head first. Not just with the blog or the channel, but with life in general.

The first video **should** go live this Friday so be sure to follow and like all of my social media below, and don't forget to subscribe! Until next time,

Writing to you from M, Personally

A Regular Post College Life Life Lessons Real Talk YouTube

9:39 AM

Lets talk about the Pink Tax. 

If you don't know what the pink tax is, I'm going to give you Urban Dictionary's definition:

"The proven theory that women... pay more for everyday things branded 'for women' than men do, such as 'women's shampoo,' 'women's razors,' and 'women's deodorant.'"

I don't know if it's a proven theory and this definition was written by a grumpy SJW, but it's pretty much accurate. There are definitely some of you out there shaking your head and rolling your eyes, thinking I'm being ridiculous. I definitely thought it was BS when I first read about this a couple years ago. When I started buying my own beauty/care products, I really noticed the differences between the prices for products that were marketed towards women as opposed to those towards men. Most specifically razors. 

For the record, and all the judgey SJW's out there, no I don't shave to appease men, kay? I started shaving cause I was bullied for it in middle school. Now I shave because I feel like a super sleek dolphin with smooth AF legs. Also under arm hair is gross, on anyone. So, moving on!

I have very dark, very thick hair, so I shave my legs every 3 or so days in the summer, and as little as possible in the winter (gotta insulate!) and under my arms pretty much every time I shower. As you can imagine, I was going through razors pretty quickly for a while. In college, I stopped buying them as often, trying to save a little money. For someone with very sensitive skin, this was a very bad plan. My skin was very itchy after every shower, and no amount of moisturizer did any difference. I was in a lot of pain, and I was miserable. I finished up the semester, came home, and returned to using the cheaper brand razors that the other ladies in the house used. I also started using a shaving cream. The cream helped, but I was still miserable. 

About three weeks after this, I was in Walmart food shopping with Mama M and went to look for a new kind of razor. I was looking for one that was on the less expensive side, but still had some sort of soap in the blade part to help reduce some of the pain and itchiness. I had previously used the women's Schick Hydro razors, and was pretty happy with them. I grabbed a pack of three plastic disposable razors and turned to go, when something caught my eye. Not a foot over, there was a pack of Schick Hydro razors for men. This package came with a metal handle and a total of two sets of cartridges. 

The women's razor? $8.97

The men's? $9.42

So for $8.97, I can have razors for about 60 days. So in a year, I'd need to spend $8.97 six times to have razors. That's about $54 per year. 

OR

For $9.42, I can have razors for 60 days. With this package, I'd be spending $11.35 for replacement cartridges about twice a year. That's about $33 per year.

I'd be saving $21 per year by using the men's razor.

While $21 might not seem like a lot, think about the savings over 10, 20, 50 years. It really adds up! The products are essentially the same, and in all honesty? I prefer the men's razor! My legs feel so much better after I shave, and maybe it's just me, but it feels like my shave lasts longer too. I'm much happier with my switch.

The only negative thing about the men's razor? I can't keep it in my shower, because the metal might rust. I keep it in the tall cabinet next to the shower, on the little stand it came with. Keeping it out of the water will just help ensure that the handle will last longer before the eventual replacement. 

In my eyes, using the men's razor instead of the women's is a great way to battle the pink tax, feel like a little more of a feminist, be a little more like a sleek dolphin, and save some money. What can be better than all of that??

Let's chat in the comments! What razor do you use? Would you consider trying out a men's razor? Questions? Comments? Concerns? Insults? Leave them all below!

I'm off to go tell everyone in my house how much of a smooth, sleek dolphin I am right now. Until next time, 

Coming to you from M, Personally

Beauty Feminism Real Talk

6:00 AM

Long time no speak, right? I suck, I know! There's been a lot in the works on my end, and I promise, promise, promise, good things are coming!

I know this is two Real Talk posts in quick succession, but these kind of discussions just pop up when they want to, so I'm at the mercy of that. Don't worry, this one is gonna be much shorter than my Quarter Life Crisis post!

For the past few months, I've been pretty alone when it comes to the boyperson front. There's been a few dates now and again, but nothing too promising. That's really not a bad thing though. In the past few months I've also had to make some pretty big decisions in my life. Especially after my little crisis, I spent a lot of time focusing on myself. Which was really good for me. The other day, I was painting my shelves (as part of my Room Redo project), and with painting, comes thinking. Sometimes good, sometimes not so much. On this particular day, my mind started asking some questions, particularly two pretty heavy ones:

• Am I ready for another relationship?
• Do I need another relationship?

Taking this question by question, Am I ready for another relationship? To answer this, I looked to my mistakes in my past.

One of my biggest problems was that I was extremely dependent on the other person for way too much. When I was in or attempting to be in these relationships, I was not in a good place, mentally. I relied heavily on the person for my happiness. I don't mean that they made me happy, I mean if they weren't texting or snapping me that day, I was in a bad mood. They were the sole source of it for me. Which, in case you didn't know, is bad. Honestly, I was kind of creepy. Once I finally realized what I was doing and got yo the root of the problem, I've really fixed my behavior to be more, well, normal. I'm not always in the most perfect mental state, but I've learned to concentrate my happiness on myself and my actions more than anything else.

Another problem I had was that I have this constant feeling that I'm running out of time to do everything. I feel like I should already have my degree, and a well paying career, and be married, and be a football playing king in space by now. And I'm not even twenty years old. I know I have time, but sometimes my brain goes on the fritz and freaks out. Fixing this is kind of just impossible, I really just have to constantly remind myself to stop, breathe, and live in the moment. I'm starting to get to a more relaxed point now. 

Those two are the big issues, anything else is just small potatoes. I've really grown from my mistakes and I've learned to be more, normal? If that's the right word? So am I ready to be in another relationship? I think so.

That leaves me with the harder question, Do I need another relationship? 

On it's face, yeah it would be nice to have someone to share experiences with and spend time with, who doesn't like that? Thinking deeper, do I want to share so much of my energy and focus with someone else? It sounds so selfish, I know, but I've been on such a good streak lately. I've worked very very hard focusing all of energy on myself to out myself in a much better place than I was a year ago. It's not that I don't want to share all of my focus and energy, I'm afraid of risking everything I've worked to improve myself. I'm happy with who I have become. I love myself. Do I need another relationship? No. I don't.

That may leave a certain few of you wondering, okay, so what now? 

As I wrote the first draft of this post, I planned to say that I wanted a relationship. Then I though need fit it better. Then I realized that I didn't want one in the capacity that need was synonymous with it. I hit the point in my writing where it hit me, I didn't need anyone to make myself happy. I am happy on my own. I am finally the happy independent, proud, funny girl who love herself for who she is. I don't need anyone to "complete me," hell, I complete me. And with that, I realized that I am ready to find someone who is my equal to spend time with and experience life with. Why? Because I realized that in a relationship not only do I give half, but I get half too. Both people put in to balance each other out.

So that's my little bit on relationships, and that's where I am now. Let me know what you think in the comments below, but until next time,

Writing to you from M, Personally

Check out more of my posts about Relationships here!

Real Talk Relationships

6:00 AM

Hey there everybody. I've been gone a while. But I think it's time we had a pretty serious chat. This post has been pretty tough to write, but putting it off does no help for anyone. Some parts were easier than others to write. The what to say wasn't bad, but the how? That was the more difficult part. I kept trying to hammer it out, but it just wasn't happening. So I did what anyone would do. Packed up a bag, went to the southernmost point of LBI, sat down and wrote it out, pen and paper style. So here goes.

Photo Source

As I'm sure you all know, the past year as been incredibly difficult for me in quite a few ways, but especially academically. I'll save myself the trouble of typing it all out and you the boredom from reading it all. In short, I fucked up. Real bad. And I brought it back. In one calendar year, I moved my GPA from 1.05 to 2.35. It might only be 1.3 points, but any college students out there, you know how big of a deal that is.
Recently though, there have been more issues. I found out that I would need to take 18 credits in the fall semester in order to graduate on time. The meant an extra credit fee, and a lot more work. For reference, most of my friends were taking 15-16 credits per semester. I considered going longer, attending for another semester instead, but the grant I received from AU would only cover another four semesters. With a 43,000 annual tuition, I'm pretty dependent on that grant.
On top of that, I had been waitlisted for on campus housing. I was number 78 on the list, meaning I was pretty much SOL on that front. DC housing is very expensive. And I am very broke. So the situation was very bad.
So add up incredibly heavy workload, incredibly problematic housing, already a lot of debt, and a seemingly infinite number of little things I just couldn't stand, what does that give you? Ding, ding, ding! You guessed it! Yes sir or ma'am I am now a (not so) proud transfer student!
There's a lot more on that, but I'll save the details for a later, more specialized post.

Here is the plan for all this crazy shiz:
I transfer out of American University to Ocean Community College.
I will stay at OCC for the fall 2016 semester.
After that semester, I have two options:
1. I transfer to a state university near New York or Philadelphia to finish my Bachelor's degree.
2. I stay for the year to finish my Associate's in Liberal Arts/Political Science, then transfer to a state university to finish my Bachelor's.

I haven't decided yet, but it's something I'm going to have to think long and hard about. I'll probably do a lot of my deliberation here, but also with my parents as well as an academic advisor from OCC. Either way, my goal is to graduate by December 2018 with a major in Political Science and minor in Communications or Journalism. It is a flexible plan, as I have certainly learned that strict plans aren't always good plans.

To that effect, there is one quote that certainly describes the life lessons I've learned this is it...

Anyone who knows me, knows one big thing about me: I plan. I plan everything. I plan so much sometimes, I don't do. It's a big flaw of mine, but I'm slowly (very slowly) learning to live with/control it. I've been getting better, but transferring? Well it was a pretty big punch in the face.. 

Hard, fast, and right in the face

Yeah it felt kind of like that looked. I knew in my mind that transferring was the right decision for me, but it just felt like I had failed. My grand plan for college was 100% out the window now. I felt like I wasted so much time and money. I felt like I had failed everyone in my life. I couldn't do it.In my head it was the right choice. But to the rest of me, I felt like I should've stayed, for everyone else. 

I was really overwhelmed by my decision and I reacted in a very adult way. I went to bed at 6 PM and watched YouTube videos. 

(Yes, I am definitely ready to grow up, I assure you.)

But one of the videos I watched was Estee Lalonde's #FindingYou video all about the thing all twenty-somethings know so well, a Quarter Life Crisis. 

I always joked about having a quarter life crisis. And some of those times I really thought I was having a quarter life crisis. But until I literally turned everything on it's head, I never really had a legitimate crisis. I'm sure plenty of people would bash the idea, of a quarter life crisis, but my situation really felt/feels like a crisis. I had operated on my own perfect college ideal for so many years, and now, here I was, throwing that out the window. More on that another time, but it's safe to say I was freaking the f@!# out having a legitimate quarter life crisis. 

But after watching Estee's video, I really felt better about it. I mean, I was still flipping out, but just like two or three steps down from utter freak out. It was oddly comforting to be reminded that plenty of other people have these crises too, even the lovely Estee.

At the end of the video, I think I got the best advice. What will be will be, the idea that yes it's your life, but somethings will happen and you just have to be flexible and roll with it. Take as many opportunities as you can, don't be a passenger, life is short so live it the the best you can. Take the reins a bit. If you screw up, it's okay, it's part of life. 

The best bit to me was when Estee says that if you're starting to feel this crisis coming on, just know that it's your mind and body telling you that you're starting a new phase in your life and this is the time to start cementing everything in your life that you like and finding what makes you happy. That and the idea that your twenties is such a perfect time to take all the chances you've wanted to take.

I finished Estee's video with a weird calm. I had this new sense of reassurance regarding my decision, but also a new sense of "can-do." There had been an idea rolling around in my head for a while, but it was finally starting to solidify, becoming less of an idea or a possibility, and more of a reality. I just kept thinking, you know, I could do that..

And that's when I said to myself, you know what? F@!# it, why couldn't I do it? What is holding me back??

I've been watching YouTubers since the days when Shay Carl started his channel, iJustine was the only queen of YouTube, Phil DeFranco was just sxephil, Let's Play's were all long, and the What The Buck Show was the only drama show around. Ten years ago, I was nine years old. Being a YouTube content creator was only something that cool adults did. Now there are people of all ages from all around the world. Technology is so much more available, for goodness sake, we have a 1080p webcam just sitting in a spare drawer! I remember when YouTube didn't even have HD video for goodness sake! 

So here I am. At my quarter life crisis. My twenties there in front of me. A whole new decade. A whole new chapter, ready to be written. So here I am. Taking a gigantic leap into something that scares the ever-loving hell out of a shy introvert like myself. I'm going to put myself on camera, listen to and watch myself talk, and I'm going to put it on the internet. For everyone to see. I'm going to go after my childhood dream. I'm going to start a YouTube channel. 

It's one small step for bloggers, one giant leap for M-kind. 

I tried to make that witty, but I don't think it went as well as I planned. Either way. You get it. 

Why am I doing this? Because I have something to say to the world. Something that I think some people would want to and maybe even, dare I say, enjoy listening to. I also want to connect with people. The blog is an amazing way for me to do that, but YouTube is a more personal way of connecting with people.

Am I terrified of people I know watching my videos? Oh dear lord yes. It's one of the little fears I have to conquer though. It's going to happen. And if I want to end up like Justine or Phil, I kind of should get used to it don't I?

Do I think I will really hit the levels that these big Tubers are at? Ahahaah oh dear god no I don't. That being said, they didn't think they would hit that level either, just saying.

In all reality, I still have a lot to hammer out with this idea. A little bit of rebranding/restyling of the blog, recreating cover and logo photos, and getting my hands on some decent editing software that won't break the bank among other things. I want to try to film and post my first video within the next couple of weeks (eek!). It'll be rough, but you've gotta start somewhere! I'll have to post more about the channel and my progress with it soon in a more focused post. 

To close all this up, I want to drop some reality here. I was on a high from Estee Lalonde's video when I made this decision. By the time I finally finished this post, I had had a few days of thought on the subject. I was shrinking back again, nervous about making this leap. I thought about how confident I was that I could succeed if I really dedicated myself to being a content creator. But then what if I failed? What if someone saw my videos and thought I was lame or a loser? What if I just embarrassed myself? I was so worried about everything and everyone. That day, I watched Jack Howard's new video. I really like Jack as an internet personality. I think he's funny and he seems so confident in his videos, like talking to the camera is so effortless for him. I liked this video, because it really brought home a lot for me. The last thing Jack says in this video is, "Is it possible to be confident and insecure?     Yep."   

And it kind of hit me. Everyone gets insecure about things. And having your face on the internet for everyone to see? Yeah, that's probably really tough. Whether its 30 people, or 3 million people, it's always going to be hard. 

So there it is folks. I'm terrified, and excited. Confident, and insecure. But I am 100% ready for this next great leap in my life. I've got a lot planned, and it's going to be a lot of work. But it's all going to come together nicely I think. I'm completely changing my life plan around, and I think I'm a little bit happy to be this nervous about it. I mean, I've got the whole universe in front of me and no one can stop me.

If you've made it this far, go you! In the comments below, let me know your experiences with quarter life crises, transferring schools, or tackling a big dream! Until next time,

Coming to you from M, Personally

College Life Future Life Lessons Real Talk

8:18 AM