Just heard about the #WomensStrike coming up this week. And absolutely cannot believe that people are supporting it. Apparently the adult way to react to situations is to no show at work. Instead of maybe, if you have a problem, discuss it with your peers/supervisor(s)/boss(es), like a grown up. Acting like a big baby in the face of difficulty or injustice is not the way to accomplish anything in this world.

Should female scientists or CEOs skip work instead of working hard to pave the way in male dominated fields for the next generation? Should female doctors or nurses let others suffer while they skip for the day? What about the soldiers, the social workers, the students? Women in the White House or in Congress? Should anyone present themselves as unreliable no-shows at their job? No!

We as a gender should stand tall in the face of adversity, fighting sexism and negative stereotypes, proving to our coworkers, bosses, and most importantly, to the next generation that we are strong and can hold up to any challenge put in front of us, no matter how insurmountable it may seem.

I have long been against citing my two X chromosomes as a reason to do something, but on Wednesday, I will not be skipping out and skiving off. I will show up and show the world that I won't let anything keep me from doing so.

Women who encourage 'A Day Without Women' are, in my opinion, setting back the clock on feminism. Show up. Not just to work, but to life.

-M, Personally

8:07 PM

I was going to do a series, but it just didn't feel like there was enough here to have a letter to each one be a post on its own. There's one for each boy, who at one time or another, was a part of my life. I'm sure I'll be called dramatic when I say I left a piece of myself with them, but I like to think I did. As they did with me as well. A relationship is a bond, a sharing of experiences and emotions. You learn from every relationship you have, romantic or otherwise. I hope I left a piece of myself with them, and I hope it's overall, good.
I'll be writing these letters in reverse order, most recent first, and skipping anything that wasn't officially decided to be a relationship. That leaves me with five. Here goes nothing..

Number Five, from the start you were a mistake. Not your fault though. I needed a friend, and I put myself in a relationship. I wasn't ready for it, but I built one anyways. It was like trying to build a castle, without having a good foundation. Doomed to fall, and when it did, boy was it bad. It was my fault, most of the mess. I apologized as best I could. There wasn't more words I could say. In the end though, what you did, hurting in return for being hurt? I will forgive you, probably, one day. But I won't ever forget. We had good times. And I will look back on them with a smile. And I hope you do too. I hope you remember that I said you were a good guy. Because you are. You made a mistake, but people do that. You've got a world and a future ahead of you. Take that risk and try it all out. But don't let the awful get at you. You're better than it all. You've got a big heart, don't let the world turn it all to stone.

Number Four, Christ, what an end we had. Brutal, really. Our differences were hard. The must haves, neither one of us fit the other's. I am sorry I couldn't. But I wasn't willing to sacrifice what I had, who I am. I couldn't do that. If you're right, and the Big Man is real, you were a test for me. I learned a lot with you, especially in the end. I always feared I would cave and be what a man wanted me to be, that I would just have to live my life pretending someone who I'm not. I'm very happy that I was able to learn that I wouldn't be a farce, I am sad we had to separate the way we did for me to learn it. I'll be honest, I do harbor a few negative feelings towards you, but overall, we had a good run. Short, but good. I do hope you find the girl you're looking for and are happy in the end.

Number Three, I almost didn't include you in the list. We dated for a very short time, but I learned a surprising amount with you. I learned what a relationship ought to be, after a period of time I still think of as the dark times. You brought friendship into my definition of a relationship, something that I had forgotten up until that point. I also learned what it's like to be ghosted, so I'm still pretty damn peeved about that, thanks no thanks. Like I said, we were together for a minute, so there isn't much I can say. I just hope that if you ever, in some wild chance, read this, you'll know that you did have a good impact on me, and I learned a surprising amount from you, even in such a short time.

Number Two, you were my first for a lot of things. I'm sorry to say that I learned the most from our break up, but I did. One of my firsts that you were, was my first ugly heartbreak. I learned so, so much from that. I definitely was way more into the relationship than you were, not that it was your fault. When it ended, it ended ugly and it hurt. And for a good while too. The biggest lesson I learned from our break up though, wallowing won't help. You just have to get up, and force yourself to function. Don't mope, don't quit life, don't give up. Just have to get out of bed, shower, put on your favorite outfit, and get about life. You can eat Ben and Jerry's for all three meals that day, but the world doesn't stop, even when your world does. I learned to recover and to be brave from you. Even though I do hate you a teeny bit for breaking me like you did, I promise, I'm not still angry or upset over it. It's in the past, I've learned, and I've grown. I do hope you're doing okay now, and without too much detail, I hope your work hasn't gotten to you.

Number One. What can I say about you. As I write this, I'm in a bit of a strange place. We dated for a few months, spent two years confessing feelings, became friends again, and recently addressed what the deal is between us. And then I broke it all. Due to careless mistakes, I broke the trust we had. Two years together as friends, you were my best friend, and something I never took two seconds to think about knocked all of that to the ground. I learned heartbreak and friendship and strength and humility from the others, but with you, I learned what the songs mean. Yes it sounds a bit dramatic, but I'm a bit dramatic. And it all feels true. After the dust settled and we entered into our current situation, I had to sort out what I felt, because there was a lot. Among it all, there was a strange empty feeling. Like a gap. You had been such a constant in my life through so much, it's strange not to have that reliable constant around. What it felt like, and honestly still does, is like someone took a cookie cutter and pushed it through my chest and my lung. I can get by without it. But I would be better with it, I would be more successful, and happier, and more complete with it. Maybe that sounds weird, but it's  the only way I can really put it into words.



SO there you have it folks. Five short letters, to my five exes. It's all 100% honest, no nonsense, straightforward. It took a bit of soul bearing, but I think I've done well at covering it all without revealing anything much. It was a bit longer than I wanted, but stretching each one to a full post? It just wouldn't really work, you know? I'm off now to attempt to have a productive Sunday. Have a lovely one and until next time,

Coming to you from M, Personally

Relationships

5:39 AM

There's a list of things. Not just random things. I've got $50,000 in debt right now, still have three years of education to go, and I desperately need to make some changes. Money is tight and I'm determined to pay off as much of these loans as I can before I graduate and everything really sets down on me. I made a list of goals and things I want to start doing. These will help me save money and earn money. This will go to investing to increase my money made and put into my loans, eliminating the principle and interest I'm earning right now. 

My goal is to create a side hustle, building a small business with potential to grow into a larger business network. Right now, I want to be earning an additional $270 per month at minimum.This would cover my monthly minimum payments for two of my loans. It would relieve the burden on my parents, that way any money that they don't have to put any money towards my loans. If I decide not to put any more towards my debt that month, then that's okay too. I want to create a side hustle that I enjoy, something with a purpose and a goal, something with a lasting effect. 

While earning that way, I'll also be selling off some things here and there, making a couple bucks off of books and clothes and whatever I can. Bringing in a few dollars when I can selling old stuff. This money would end up going towards my own wallet, paying for necessities as the need arises. 

That being said, I'm only going to shop sales and second hand, and only with a coupon. I've started couponing a bit for groceries, but it's difficult to shop for four people with insanely particular tastes. I want to start pre-cooking and meal planning for myself to eat healthier and eat less garbage. I want to meal plan around grocery store sales and coupons. I also look for coupons for make up and hair products when shopping in person. I also have a couple of apps I want to start using more to get money back for the food and whatnot that I'm buying.

I also want to start using online places to find clothes too. I do try to shop mostly sale, but it still really does add up. I also occasionally hit the thrift stores in my area too, but the population in my town is a bit older, so the thrift store looks are pretty ancient. Some good finds every now and then, but it's a lot of searching for clothes that don't make me look like I'm 70. I want to start using the online/app-based shopping options to find some previously owned clothes that are still in good condition and don't look like they're from 1960.

I'm not making much money at my job right now, and I can't keep spending money like I have been. All the little bit of green I'm getting, is flying out of pocket, and not always in the best managed way possible. Hopefully I can get smarter with it from now on, get myself better set for the next few years of college and beyond that as well. 

I'm off now, have to go balance the checkbook and account for all of my meh spending lately. Writing to you, as always, from M, Personally. 

10:06 AM

It's not really daily is it? I'm working on it I promise.

Getting back to school was a rough start. Didn't get a good jump on my online classes, plus had a heavy work schedule last week, so it was a bit of a struggle. Starting off behind, but working on getting ahead. Not my best, start, but I've had worse.

____

I'm tired of the social media face. You know the one I'm talking about, when you put up the glamorous photos showing off your great life. It's not as bad for normal people. but it's more the celeb type who annoys me with it. People get this idea that money is everything and if you aren't happy and perfect and great all the time, your life is a failure. I do it too, even though I'm incredibly aware of it. When it comes to YouTube celebrities, I think it does the most damage. A lot of younger kids, say middle school age, see this and don't understand that shit isn't shiny all the time. If this blog takes off the way I want it to, I want to share the ugly and the pretty, the good and the bad. I don't want just happy posts about my good days. I wanna post when my hair is greasy and my skin looks a damn pizza and I can't get out of bed for the third day so that people know that depression is real. And I wanna post when I'm all glammed up going to an event, perfect hair and make up and feeling good so people know there still good times. And when I'm fresh out of the shower with wet hair and no make up. And when I wake up with hilarious bed head. And when I see a cool dog. And when I'm sad. And happy. And angry. And when I have a massive bowl of mac n cheese. Because that's what life is. It's goods and bads and happys and sads and big bowls of the best food on Earth. I love my life, not every day, and I want to share the real life with people. Show that it can be shitty and that it can be awesome. And that's ok. It's not all monograms and perfect hair and traveling smiles. Cause that's just bullshit. I tried to pretend to be that. And I hated it.

______



2.4.17 This was from a few days ago, just forgot to post it.

8:32 AM

I'm tired of being jerked around by life. From politics and companies and colleges and "friends" and other people.

Maybe its just because I was so much of a doormat for my life. Now all this anger towards stupid people and people who treat me like garbage, it's all right here, you know? I just feel tired of the bullshit.

I want to channel this anger and hate into something though. I want to make something productive out of this, I don't want to waste the energy. I've got so much creativity and an massive amount of drive to do something.

After considering all these new blog ideas, I've changed my mind. I'm just going to rebrand what I have and push to grow all of this to be as large as I can, spanning as large as I can make it. I want to take all of this energy I have from hate and anger and channel it into something positive.

Have Anger, Use Energy, Create Positivity.

I want to make good in the world.

And I want to do all honesty, talking through the bullshit and downtimes, not create some illusion that everything it happy and bright. The reason I started and branded this blog the way I did.

Life isn't glamorous. It's shitty a lot of the time. And that's ok.

9:26 AM

Just like I live blogged Eurovision, I'm live blogging Trump's Inauguration today.

Getting started after everyone is in the car, and I just got a close up of Hillary Clinton, and this poor woman looks terribly upset and I do feel bad for her. Not that I want her to be POTUS either, but I do feel bad.

Good decision to have Clarence Thomas do the swearing in. Smart political decision. Plus he's one of my favorite justices.

Brit Hume is 100% right, Obama has been very classy and cooperative with the change and I think that speaks to his character.

I like H-dog's lipstick. @Hillary, what's that shade girl??

Oh god I miss W and Laura. What wonderful people.

I have hope for Trump. He's far from stupid. I really hope the rhetoric fades to some really intelligent lawmaking decisions. Like, really, really hope.

Gasping and dying because holy damn Ivanka girl you are amazing.

Gonna throw this out there, she's like an American Kate Middleton. Stay with me, cause I can back that shiz up.

It's been interesting that Barron Trump has been MIA the past couple days. His dad's the new POTUS, you'd think he's get a couple days off school for this.?

"Nothing is easy on capitol hill, EVER" True Brit Hume.

Refinery29 trying to be political is a joke. Such a wannabe Cosmo.

Barron, take off your father's toupe!

When Charles K is talking about how amazing it is that we've had such a long time of peaceful handover of power and that Dems who skip the inauguration are really breaking a civic code. He's right, this is NOT the time nor place to take your stand. 

They seated Bernie next to John McCain. lol what.

Not loving the length of Michele's coat, but she looks amazing!

Melania you're stunningly beautiful and I hope you do well as first lady.

RIOTERS are smashing windows of businesses in DC. Because that makes a lot of fucking sense? You're hurting local businesses, destroying your own home!! What does that prove?? Seriously, can someone help me out here?

Mitch McConnell's wife is a scary lady. I've met her. She's a very intense woman who you do not want to mess with. 

I think it's good that Barron is staying in NYC to finish the school year. People are up in arms about it. Why? Is it bad we want our country's children to have a steady, reliable, quality education??

Goosebumps. This is history y'all!

Can you hear the crowd cheering! 

Idk how I feel about the chanting though...

First of all, Paul Ryan, yes.

With the weight that this man is walking with, you can tell he understands what he's gotten himself into. He's feeling the god damn weight. 

Melania looks like she wants to vomit. Seriously.

Mitch McConnell you turtle. 

That thumbs up! I kind of love it tbh.

Peaceful passing of power is what this country is all about and damn near built on. 

I hate when places have prayers ans stuff. As an agnostic, I always feel uncomfortable and I never know what to do. 

Finn is sleeping soundly through the inauguration, life is good for dogs. This isn't political related. I just love my dog.

Interesting as hell choice for a second reading holy crap, is this really in the bible?!

The chorus is good, but can we fast forward to his speech? I wanna go get lunch, but I can't leave until it's over.

Wow these girls are amazingly talented holy crap.

Chuck Schumer is talking? Yep, time for lunch break.

Can you hear the yelling during Chuck's speech? Is that a lot of murmurs or boos??

Barron is fidgeting, me too kid. 

Goosebumps are back y'all!!

Congrats Mike Pence! #Veep48!

Barron stop arguing with your mother. This is the god damn inauguration. Argue after.

GUYS THIS IS SO AWESOME

My second ever inauguration, and I have just the same sense of pride and excitement and everything as I did in 7th grade, sitting in my math class watching it on the class television. GAH, right now, in this moment, I love this country.

What's all the whistling and yelling from below. My heart is stopping. Please don't be anything bad. 

Welcome to a new era America! #MAGA

Rebuild and restore for all. Smart word choice. 

Thanking the Obamas, very classy T!

Power back to the people!

He's not wrong about the establishment. He's entirely right. As a middle class American, I really hope he does bring change. 

It should be controlled by the people!! 

"Forgotten no longer" I hope so.

He's right, this is a MASSIVE movement for America and the world.

"America exists to support its citizens"

Use of the term Destiny as an operative, interesting..

Interesting vague comment on the borders, mixed feelings there..

He's right about a lot of our infrastructure though. We've lost a lot. That being said, we're still the greatest country in the world.

America First! The new saying. I'm not against that tbh..

He's never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down!

As an American, I am not against buying and hiring American.

"The right of all nations to put their interests first" I like that. I like that a lot.

Eradicating Islamic terrorism. TERRORISM. Not all muslims. 

"When you open your heart to patriotism, there is no room for prejudice" YEEEESSSSS LIVING TOGETHER IN UNITY

We are the UNITED States god damn!

"Protected by God" Ehhhhhh but ok

A nation is only living as long as it is striving, YEES

All talk, no action FIRE THE HELL OUT OF THEM YESS BOOT EM

Time for empty talk is over, it's the hour of action, T I'm holding you too that man!

No challeneg can match the heart, fiht, and spirit of america! Whoot!

SPACE TRAVEL YES LET'S DO THAT MORE!

Whether we are black or brown or white, we all bleed the red blood of patriots!

Goosebumps at the night sky bit!

Almighty creator, ehhhhhhh not so much 

"You will never be ignored again" I god damn hope not. 

OUR American Destiny, v interesting word choice

Strong, Wealthy, Proud, Safe, and Great Again. Now THAT was a hell of a closer!

Having the black minister(?) speaking was a good decision to close it all up. Smart decision. 

JACKIE EVANCHO IS AMAZING

I feel so AMERICAN right now tbh. I really do love this country, even though it has it's moments. 

And that's all folks. Have a good day, good luck to 45, and God bless America!

-M

7:54 AM

As Americans, we consistently classify ourselves by where our ancestors were from. I always talk about how I'm Irish and Iranian, where my paternal grandmother and maternal grandfather were from. I'm barely either of those things. But that's how I describe myself. I'm 3rd+ generation American. I'm not an immigrant. Far from it. But I don't identify as an American.
Ironically my good friend in England, he just calls himself English. "With a bit of Irish way back."

Interesting isn't it.

7:16 PM