I am officially halfway through my exams and I have my eyes on summer break. What does that mean to a stressed out college student? It means I'm ignoring my exams today while I drink a milkshake and eat an entire small pizza from Domino's. Hashtag Beach Body?

But in all reality, I really do have a few summer goals for myself. I don't necessarily have to achieve them all, but I'd like to make some decent progress on each of them!

Summer Job & Loans As any college student these days, I have more than my fair share of loans. Unfortunately, I have to defer the next couple of years of loans. Because of that, I want to try and pay off as much of my current loans as possible. I've been really lucky the past two years, my parents have helped me a lot with the payments, but it's time for me to help out too. I want to make as much money as possible over the summer and go with the 50-30-20 plan for saving and spending: 50% goes towards college loans, 30% goes into my savings account, and 20% is for spending on shopping or going out or whatever. 50% seems like a lot, but while I'm home, I don't have any significant costs, so it's not really as much for me. 30% for savings is the money I want to keep for an emergency, should I have to get home quickly or something. I don't know what I'd use it for, but it's always good to have the just-in-case funds. That last 20% is just enough for me to pick up a couple books, go out with friends for half apps, or if I want to go anywhere while I'm home. I don't plan on doing much, but can't hurt to have a little cash on hand for fun!

The Blog Like I mentioned in my Birthday Wishlist, I want to start self-hosting over the summer and I want to find a new design for the blog. Aside from that, I want to dedicate more time to writing engaging content, reaching out to viewers, and trying some new stuff. I feel like my writing on these posts has really increased over the past few months, my personal voice has been coming out and it's really great. I want to try to move towards a lifestyle-niche with a broader span of posts to engage as many readers as possible. I want to use Facebook groups, Twitter, Pinterest boards, anything I can to try to not just bring in more readers, but start a conversation with my readers too, finding out what you all like and want to read more of! As for new stuff, I've got a few ideas for new projects and new features that I want to try out for the near future. 

Voice and Video Speaking of new projects! I've recruited the help of my sister to experiment with some new options this summer including a podcast and videos. Preliminary thoughts? The videos won't happen for a while. It's a big thing to jump into on a lot of fronts. First of all, creating content, filming, and editing requires a lot of dedication, time, and effort. While I am certainly dedicated to the process, I have to put my time and efforts towards school first. Though, I think O would be great for YouTube (hint, hint sister!). As for voice, I've been on a big podcast kick, especially the SourceFed Podcast. Inspired by that and the Philip DeFranco Show, I've been tossing around the idea of making a 30-50 minute podcast, talking about current events and my opinions on them. Why? Because I really struggle putting into into words in a concise manner for the blog. And I really like to talk/debate in an informal manner. O and I have very differing views, so I think it'd be fun to try out a regular discussion-type podcast on all types of current events. Sort of a replacement for the short-lived weekly SOTU posts.

Fitness I know, I know, I say this every time, but I really want to work on my fitness this summer. I was doing so well this semester! Not so much towards the end, but progress! I was losing the fat and for the first time in years I was happy with my body. Thanks to allergies and finals and me, that progress hit a bit of a plateau/roadblock and stopped for a while. I'm slowly getting back into it, and I'm super determined this summer! I've been setting more realistic goals, which you'll hear about in an upcoming fitness post, but the Marine Corps 10K in October is definitely top of the list!

Freelance Writing Those of you who know me know that I've recently become an avid follower of Jim Chapman. I love his daily vlogs more than his main channel videos, and I've started reading his blog more and more often. Between that and his GQ series, I've become more enamored with freelance writing. I've always loved writing, I mean obviously, I do it for fun here. Getting paid to write would be pretty amazing to me. I don't quite have the creative chops to be a fiction writer like I wanted to be when I was a kid, but the idea of freelancing like Jim does a bit really piqued my interest. So this summer, I want to take a few online courses, brush up on the more profesh writing skills, and try my hand at a little bit of freelance!

Closet This one's going to be short, since I've got a post coming up about it soon. But I've been trying to redo my closet, simplifying my wardrobe, and maximizing each item, all on a super tight budget. It's going to be a work in progress for a long time, but I'm excited to revamp it all. I'll be buying and selling on Poshmark, my new window shopping obsession. It'll be a super fun challenge with plenty of blog posts along the way!


So with all that, and then a ton more, I have one busy summer ahead of me. What about you, any big exciting plans coming up?

I've got to get back to studying now, I'm so close to done!! Until next time,

Writing to you from M, Personally













8:11 AM

It's Me, M.

Uh, hey. Long time, no speak. We haven't really had a good heart to heart in a long time. Not since Thanksgiving '14 with that food poisoning incident.. Bad memories..

But yeah, I'm not really so good at the praying thing. Talking out loud makes people stare, I forget my train of thought when I try it in my head, and let's be real, the hands thing? It's a little outdated, don't you think? I'm not good at the praying thing, but I'm pretty okay at blogging and writing.

That's besides the point. What I'm here for today is some encouragement and a little bit of support. It's been really messy the past few weeks, and the past twenty four hours have just been, in short, hell on Earth.

Now I know I'm not the perfect person according to the bible's definition, but I'm a decent human. I volunteer, donate when I can, generally a kind person. I have room for improvement, but doesn't everyone? Anyways, I haven't killed anyone so that has to mean something.

I was never sure if you were real or not, but I've always said, if you are real, I'm a decent person, so I'd be pretty okay to you.

Like I said, I live a decent life. I've had highs and lows. Lately, I feel like it's been a lot more lows than highs. With financial stress, needing housing, family health issues, personal health issues, and everything this past weekend, I won't lie, it kind of feels like the world is against me.

Now don't get me wrong, plenty of people have it way worse than me. I'm not saying my life should be perfect, everyone needs ups and downs. Even if the downs are really crappy.

I see life lessons in all of these though. I am learning, if that's what this is. I'm learning humility and morality with the health issues. Life is short, enjoy it while you can. You need to love the people you're with while your with them. It's a lesson that I've been lucky that I haven't had to really learn until now.

With the financial stresses, I'm learning to live within my means and not be so greedy. That's a pretty big flaw of mine, greed and jealousy. It colors my opinions of many, many people. I don't know if you can tell, but I am trying now I really am. It's slow and hard for me to learn, because sometimes I just slip back into the habit of it. To prove I'm trying, I'm doing that 8 day detox. Yoga, clean eating, that part is for me really. But the detox portion is to cleanse yourself of a behavior. For eight days, I'm going to write down every time that I am jealous and greedy. I want to watch what I do and try to reduce, if not eliminate these kinds of thoughts from my mind. I don't know if eliminating it entirely is possible, but I am trying.

As for needing housing, that one, that one was a hit to my pride. The past year, I've learned that hubris is most certainly my fatal flaw. I'm too proud. It's not just pride, but it's stupidly large amounts of pride. It makes me feel like I'm better than other people, that I don't ever need help. It's bad. Really bad. I rejected a housing proposition because I thought I was better than those people. Actually I did it twice! I should know better. I really should. Now that I'm essentially homeless for next fall, I'm being very sternly reminded that I should never be too proud.

As for this weekend, I'm keeping this intentionally vague, but if you are real and reading this, I'm pretty sure you know what I'm talking about here. This week, with the boy, has been absolutely amazing. I've not been this happy in a long time. It was only a week, but it was.. It was wonderful. On Sunday, that happiness came to an abrupt halt, where real life interrupted our little week-long daydream. I feel like this is a test to me. I made some claims a while ago. I said I could handle it. I said it would be easy for someone like me. It was a bit of pride again. I lied. It is hard. This is one of if not the hardest thing I've done in my life. I was stupid to say it was easy. When I said that, it was an easy situation. This is unbelievably difficult. It is most certainly testing.

This weekend also is reminding me of my conceit. Another awful flaw. I forget sometimes, quite often actually, that the world doesn't revolve around me. The globe is bigger than I am. There is seven billion people in the world. Every single one of them is important. I am one of those important ones, but I'm not the only one. So I've talked about myself this while time. I want to talk about other people too, and the real reasons why I'm writing this.

Mic will be very glad I wrote this, I think. She does this stuff much more than I do. I texted her last weekend and asked her to pray for someone else on this list. Without hesitation she said she would. And she said she prays for me too. Which, in the moment, was a lot to hear. In a good way. I asked her because other than that, there isn't much I can do for that person. So because of her, this post is happening.
My family doesn't really do the religion thing either. More of agnostic types. I really should put in a good word for them too. It's a tough time, financially, medically, etc. Struggles are a part of life. I know that. But I want them to get through this. Especially my sister. Her more than anyone. She has a lot to look forward to in life. And I want her to be able to do it.

My best friend, A, isn't really too religious either I don't think. And she's really doing great right now. I'm not sure if you can pray for a continued resolution type thing, but if that is possible, that'd be good to add. She's changed so much in the four years that I've known her, from a really tough down time to the current up. I know there will be lows again, there always has to be, but I really want her up to last a little bit longer. She seems pretty happy with everything now, and I do really want that to stay for her.

There's a lot of people I should mention. But there's one I really want to write to you about. The past week, I learned a lot about you-know-who. And he's been through a lot in his life. And he's made it through it all. I didn't know him then, but I am so proud of him for overcoming it all and making it to this point. He's a hard worker, dedicated to his job and lifestyle. He's got to be the bravest person I know. For the next few weeks, he's risking his life for a bigger cause. I can't say what or where or how. But you'll know. At first I was going to as you to keep him safe, but I wanted it for me. It was so greedy to want him back for myself. And then I thought, and really if he doesn't come back to me specifically, that's okay. Just get him back. Get him through this last year. Let him achieve his dreams. He wants to be a cop soon. He wants nothing, but to save lives. He is a good man. So yes keep him safe and bring him back to me, because I think we could be a we for a long, long time. But I'm not asking for me, you know what I mean? I'm asking for the family he'll save by stopping a drunk driver. For the kids who won't do drugs when he arrests a dealer. He'll be the first kind face that the girl who was raped will see, he'll be the first one to take down an armed robber, he'll be the one to put his life on the line to help anyone. One day it might be the reason he goes. But it's not fair for him to go now, before he's done any of that. Not that it isn't fair for me, but it's not fair for that family, those kids, that girl, that victim, any of them. He's got a lot of life left. So please bring him back, just for them.


I always joked that if you did something for me, I would go to church. Now, I'm not waiting to see. I'm going to just go. I'm going to listen, to read, to think, and pray a little bit. I don't know if I'll go this weekend, just because I don't know where to go. I'll go when I'm home. Just for the service. I really don't want to do the singing and the volunteering and the whole nine yards. I'm not it in for all that. I don't know if that makes me a bad religious person, but it's still better than what I've been doing I guess. I'm there for the introspection, thought, and I guess proving dedication to these people, to fixing these flaws, and to learning these lessons.

I've always said religion was a security blanket. And I stand by that. This is me reaching out to for security blanket. I need something else for encouragement and support. I feel weird ending this with an amen, so I guess, talk to you later?

Writing (praying?) from you to M, Personally


PS. This one is more on the conceited side, and isn't a total request, but if things work out with A and her boy and me and the one I talked about here, we'd end up with the same last name. I know, it's been a week, and nothing is definite, but if I could have one thing on here just for me, I would highly suggest it be this bit. Not definitely, but just tossing it out there. Things could change, but I am not opposed to this thing happening one day in the future.
10:55 AM

It's no secret that I am the queen of the wannabe preps. It's taken a long, long time for me to find my personal style. And in that time, I learned a lot about fashion and clothes. Those lessons were, in short, painful, ugly, and often did not match. Now that I've finally realized that my style is really sort of low-key preppy, I'm very slowly moving my wardrobe away from it's hot-mess-express phase into a I-swear-I'm-not-colorblind phase and eventually to the final look-I-really-can-dress-myself stage.

As I move into a more preppy style, I have come to understand the phenomenon known as snobs. While I myself am a bit of a snob (hey, everyone has flaws!), the painfully preppy people around here are just snobby to the point of rude. There is two points of view on preppy. There are people like me, who think that preppy is just as much, if not more, a mindset. Then there are those people, who judge someone's worth by how many Shep shirts and Lilly dresses they own. I've never really liked that latter, as I cannot afford Vineyard Vines or Kate Spade or even Nordstrom Rack for that matter. It's very hard to transition into a preppy style if you don't fit in with that group.

I've been struggling to do so, when I stumbled upon a true gem, a new fabulous blog called Navy Blazer. Grown out of the preppy centered subreddit, the beautifully designed blog covers definitely caught my eye. I first opened it up, expecting to read a few posts and then move on. Instead, I opened it up, and read pretty much every single post on the site. Describing themselves as a "modern community dedicated to classic American style, I can pretty much tell you I love the site, I just might submit a post this summer!

I wanted to share my thoughts on one my personal favorite posts of theirs, The Ten Commandments, the ten rules of prep to live by. My favorite rules?

1. Ignore Fashion - Basically a golden rule for how I dress. While I do eventually accept the longer standing trends, and every now and again I'll get a trendy necklace or scarf or something, all it takes it one look at, like, anything on 99% of the runways during fashion week to remind me why I love the preppy style.

2. Quality Over Quantity - The reason why I loathe shopping at stores like H&M or Forever 21. Some of the cloths may be cute, but I guarantee they'll fall apart after two washes, max.

3. Old Over New - This one speaks to me on so many levels. I live in what I call the Poor Prep style. I'm on a super strict budget, so consignment and thrift shops are like the homeland. So many preppy pieces stand up incredibly well over time, I can't tell you how many amazing Ralph pieces I've picked up on consignment. They might be 10 years old, but a quality sweater never goes out of style.

4 Thou Shalt Not Try Too Hard - If you don't understand the need for this rule, you're the reason we have it.

5. Thou Shalt Not Brag - I don't begrudge anyone their success, if you can afford everything in Ralph's summer line good for you! But when people flaunt their clothes for the sake of bragging? Yeah, not a fan. Modesty and Humility are a thing. This really fits into the next of my favorites too.

8. Attitude - Preppy is such state of mind, I can't even express this enough. Don't be a stuffy spoilsport all the time. While it's good to hold yourself to a high standard and have an appreciation for the finer things, it's also good to be able to take off the blazer every now and again. Toss on a T shirt and roll down a hill or grab a hairnet and volunteer at the local soup kitchen for a few hours. High standards doesn't have to mean you're a too-good-for-you kind of snob.


So those are my thoughts on the Navy Blazer's Ten Commandments, you should definitely go check out the post for the rest! I 100% recommend their blog to anyone, its pretty amazing.

That's all I've got for now, so until next time,

Writing to you from M, Personally
6:00 AM
Oh yes. The big IT.

I was sitting on Facebook the other day when this article showed up on my timeline. Nine things you need to know about people who conceal their depression. It kind of hit me as I read it and I realized that my depression had been creeping back over the past few months.

Before I jump into this post, I want to make it clear that there is a difference between self-diagnosed depression, and depression diagnosed by a doctor. Self-diagnosed sad feelings are very different than actual depression. If you think you have depression, of course tell someone and reach out to get help. It is not a glamorous issue, and should not be romanticized or made light of.

My experience with depression has been pretty short. I always assumed I was a self-diagnosed person. I was just sad and upset, but just down. I knew I'd be fine eventually. I worked to shake off what I felt, and continued my days, acting like it wasn't there. Last summer, I finally went to a doctor about it, and was diagnosed with anxiety and depression.

I hide it from pretty much everyone I know personally, because I don't want it to affect how people view me or treat me or act around me. Of course, now that I post it here, it's a lot less private. But I'm posting it here to confront these feelings, trying to take them out in a new way. So let me get back to my story.

The past few months have been really stressful for me. A lot is riding on my academic performance this semester. I have definitely improved over time, but it's still a difficult and slow transition out of the bad habits I had last year. I've also been under a lot of stress trying to get my class schedule squared away, especially since I register so late in the process. There has also been problems with my housing for next fall. As of right now, I am dorm-less. I cannot afford an apartment near campus, so if I don't get housing, I don't know if I'll be back to AU next fall. On top of that, I've had some added stress because of my current friend-situation, which always seems to be in-flux these past few years. Then, throw in some family health issues, and financial issues. And I have yet to hear back about any jobs for this coming summer.

All of that, plus being hit with the final reality that my entire college/life plan is out the window, it's been a pretty difficult, like, four weeks. I'm not bitching about it really, just having a good old venting session to you guys. Okay so yeah, bitching a little bit.

But it took all of this, plus a couple of those really oddly deep posts from some poem account on Twitter for me to realize the deeper issue here. Without realizing it, I have really sunk back into a depressed mindset. I let the negative and anxious and sad and scared thoughts take over my mind again.

A few days ago, my parents had a sort of mini, spur of the moment intervention, asking about me and how I was feeling and acting. They suggested that I come back home, transfer to a more local university. I didn't realize what they were actually saying, more than just talking about school trouble.

Today, I realized that I was settling back into my old habits, watching Netflix, ignoring people I know, skipping classes, avoiding homework. I stopped working out because of an allergy spike, but never got back to it. I just haven't been taking care of my body. Physically or mentally. And it was taking a toll. I was gaining back the weight I worked really hard to lose, my grades were beginning to slip  a little bit, I was lethargic all of the time, I stopped eating regular meals. And, I've been severely neglecting my blog. Looking back at the past few weeks, it has not been good. Actually, it's been really freaking crappy, the way I've been acting, thinking, and treating myself.


The most popular post on my blog, to this day, was one I made back in September called, Today I Will Be Happy. It was a quick post, a promise to myself to make the 24 hours after that 24 good hours. I had a picture of some flowers I had bought. I promised myself that I would be happy.

Today I hypothetically stand before you in the form of this very long blog post with a similar promise. For the next three weeks, I will be positive. I can't promise that I will be happy every day, but I will be positive, I will be productive, and I will be present. I will try my hardest every day to accomplish as much as I can. And I will work on myself. I will work as hard as I can to grow in mind, body, and spirit, to be the past version of myself that I can be, both mentally and physically.

I received a final care package from Mama K a few days ago. In it contained a few food items and a couple garbage bags for the last few days of my semester. I also got a few items to help me along the next few days including a bag of Dove chocolates, a new coloring book, my favorite beat-up old shoes (what they lack in arch-support, they make up for in mental support!) and Harriet.

Hear me out and don't think I'm too crazy.

In my final care package, my mom included a small bucket. In the bucket was a few condensed dirt disks, a seed packet, and planting directions for a small Chinese Forget-Me-Not plant. Which I have named Harriet. Why Harriet? Because she just wasn't a Harold. So I'm going to be the epitome of lame, and use Harriet as a metaphor for myself. I've got to remember to water my plant and take care of it to make sure it grows. Every day that I do that, I'm going to use it as a reminder to take care of myself too. Watering Harriet every morning will be the metaphor for taking care of myself. She's going to be the reminder (pun pretty much intended) for me to go out and run, eat at least two nutritious meals a day. sit for three minutes of meditation, work on my homework, prepare for the next day. For the next three weeks, Harriet's growth will be my growth. We will grow together. Hopefully I will not sprout flowers like her, but you get my gist.

Considering it's coming up on 2 AM, I'll close it out with a picture of little Harriet in her cute little bucket. And for the record, no, I have no clue how I'll get her home without dropping her at least twice and I am terrified.


(She started to sprout this weekend!)

Anyone else struggle having a rough patch? How do you get through the bad days? Let's talk about it in the comments down below.

Until next time,

Writing to you from M, Personally
6:00 AM
Well my birthday is officially less than three month's away, so it's time for the first draft of my birthday wishlist. There are plenty of more frivolous items on the list like new make up brushes, a few new oxford tops, or a new backpack. But this list I decided to tried to make it a little more of the serious "big" things. That being said, I wouldn't say no to a few new tops, as mine have seen better days. But here goes nothing with this year's birthday wishlist:

1. Literary Tattoo - I've finally decided to make the move. I have been wanting a tattoo for a long time, but I could never decided what I wanted.  It had to be small and easily hidden too, that was in a professional setting, it wouldn't be seen. I wanted something serious, that had a lot of meaning behind it.For the longest time I never knew what defined me well enough to have it put on my body forever. I was going to do a quote, but I could never settle on one that was short enough. A few weeks ago, I set down and chose a location, the inside of my left heel/ankle area, that flat part under the ankle bone. I really narrowed down on what I wanted: a literary-themed tattoo. I chose a bookish one because my whole life has been defined by reading and writing. Without it, I wouldn't be the person I am today. I don't know exactly what I want, but I'm going to work on ideas. Pretty minimalist, maybe two colors, but probably just black. Even though my birthday is in July, I want to get the tattoo in August of September, after my birthday, but also after the beach season has ended. It'll be easier to keep it covered. And if I end up getting it done in DC, then I can hide it from my Dad for a little while!

2. Buy My URL - I've had my blog for nearly a year now, I'm starting to move into a niche, my views are steadily increasing, and I'd really life to grow my site and brand. The first major step to doing that is buying my URL. I haven't decided whether to host through blogger like I am now, or move somewhere else. I have a lot more research to do before I do anything, but I'm pretty excited to make this big move. It'll be really exciting to not have to use ".blogspot" for everything!

 3. Custom Blog Design - While I want to learn to code and do all this myself one day, for now, I have to find someone to do it for me. I've seen a few designers on Etsy who offer a pretty great package for around $20, which will be a great start. I love my free design, but a it'll be nice to have a unified look across all the platforms, especially if I'm buying my URL!

4. Ticket to Ohio - A is living and working out in Ohio now, and I haven't seen her since early March when we went to New York over spring break. A plane ticket from Philly to Columbus isn't too pricey on Frontier, which is honestly my favorite airline. So, I want to go halfsies with my parents to pay for the flight to go spend a weekend with A. We're planning on my birthday weekend and celebrating in style. Yes I mean with a lot of take out and a Grey's Anatomy marathon, because how else are you supposed to spend the weekend you turn 20??

5. Pet for Myself - You all know and love my pup, Finn. If you don't, you should check out Finn's insta, he's got new pictures going up every day! I love Finn to death, probably more than the rest of my family (sorry guys). As much as I love him, I really want a pet of my own to bring back and forth with me between DC and home. It would be really difficult to get all of the paperwork and everything in order, for it to happen, but I would really like a cat or a dog to being with me. I would definitely adopt an older one, a puppy or kitten would be really difficult to train in time to travel back down. A cat would be great, much more low key, up for cuddling, and probably a little quieter. On the other hand, a dog would help me get outside more, great for playing, and I wouldn't have to worry about litterbox duty! Who knows on this one though, there's a lot behind it too.

6. New Camera Body - We got an old canon DSLR from a family friend recently and I borrowed it after spring break to play around with. It's a great camera, still in really good condition, but it is old. I don't mean t3 old. I mean the screen doesn't work as a viewfinder old. The lens it came with it still on good condition, it's the 17-40 mm lens, which it great for me, I want to mainly use it to take photos for the blog. More lens investments are in the future, but a good body is the place to start. I'm leaning towards the Canon t3i or the t5i, not a huge fan of the touch screen features on the t4. If anyone has a Nikon suggestion though, let me know!


So those are the big items on my birthday wishlist this year. They sit among a new pair of nude flats, some Joe Fresh button downs and a personal sized Carvel ice cream cake. I've got to get back to work now, finals are looming in the distance, the last block before I can officially celebrate almost-birthday. Until next time,

Writing to you from M, Personally






7:21 AM
source


Yesterday, after having a good old-fashioned rant sesh with a friend, I made a declaratory statement that had been on my mind for a while. I was fed up with spending so much time in my dorm, tired of sitting around, ready for a change! I want to explore the city, get more involved with the local community, see what this city has to offer, go to new club meetings, meet new people, and just have a memorable experience here!

What I said was: I need to get out more.

Unfortunately what she heard was: I was to go to a party.

Cause that's where I got invited. I said maybe, since I'm apparently very bad at saying no.

In the moment, I really struggled with the decision, do I go to be a good sport? Everyone will be drinking there, do I want to deal with that? Would I have to stay the night? The apartment was 2 miles away from campus, that's a long way to walk home alone in the dark.

I started to say no, but was immediately met with the ultimate coercion, "But you have to!"

I ended the discussion with a resounding maybe, and a promise to seriously consider going. Unfortunately, that was a little bit of a lie, I'm only seriously considering good excuse to get out of it.

This morning, I was texting the best advice unit, my mother, about the predicament. After explaining the whole deal, Mama K imparted her wisdom upon me: This was Peer Pressure.

It was like every light in my mind went off at once, cue the Queen song, yes folks, this is indeed peer pressure. My response? Oh.

I realized that for the first time in my life, I was being peer pressured to do something I didn't want to do. My mind flashed back to all of those DARE lectures from the local cops in elementary school. While my friend wasn't trying to get me to do hardcore drugs like the officers talked about, the idea was the same. And it kind of freaked me out a little bit.

Before this, the only kind of peer pressure I had was to eat that third piece of pizza or to go on the Gravitron at the carnival. I realized how different this situation was than what I was used to. I had never had someone who I considered a friend try to push me into doing something that extreme I really didn't want to do. I mean not that a house party is extreme, but it's something I didn't want to do, she knew that, and she didn't care.

I mean, it didn't greatly affect me. I stood my ground pretty well, and I didn't go because I didn't want to. But it still made me pretty uncomfortable knowing that she didn't care enough about my feelings and opinions to recognize the fact that I didn't want to go.

What am I going to do about it? Well honestly, I don't know. By the time you're reading this, it's been about a week and a half since the incident and the party is long over now. I am icing her out a little bit, because I don't know if I want to be friends with someone who doesn't recognize that I don't like nor do I want to attend these kinds of parties. I don't judge anyone who wants to go, it's just not for me. That's where I'm leaving it for now, putting the issue on hold for a while. I'll wait it out and make a final decision later. Why? Because in complete honesty, I don't want to deal with friendship issues right now. I just want to get my work done so I can go home to see my best friends, play with my dog, and have more free time to write.

I'd best be off to finish up my homework now, I've got three quarters of a presentation to finish due at 6! Before I go, I want to ask, has anyone else had to deal with situations like this? How did you respond? What happened? Leave me your sage advice in the comments!

Until next time,

Writing to you from M, Personally
6:00 AM



Last year I was invited back to my AP English teacher's classes to speak to them about college. I spoke to them at the end of my first semester, which, in my head, went pretty well. Now, two years in, my experience is much different. In the time since I last spoke in her classes all of this happened:

- I fell in love
- Twice
- Got my heartbroken
- Twice
- And thrice
- I cut off 9 inches of hair
- Twice? (well I haven't decided yet)
- I got my first F
- I got three more
- I cried in front of an academic professional
- I failed out of college
- I got a second chance
- I learned the value of second chances
- I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression
- Someone I knew was sexually harassed and I felt responsible
- I learned how to budget my "funny money"
- I overdrafted my bank account
- A lot
- I learned how to stop a panic attack
- I learned how to blow dry my hair
- I leaned the value of regular skin care
- Found new interests
- Found friends
- Lost friends
- Found a good pair of heels

All that, and definitely a lot more that I couldn't think of. Now that I'm being asked back to speak again, I don't even know what to talk about.

I don't want to come in all doom and gloom and scare the shit out of these poor kids. That being said, I don't want to be all happy, sunshine, and daisies and pretend that the real world isn't real. I'm actually really struggling to figure out what to say to these students. I want to warn them about the dangers of risky behavior, but I always want to keep it light and let them know that college is a good time. I tried to think back to the questions I had, but honestly can't remember what I wanted to know..

I'm just going to jump in here and  come up with a little rough draft type thing. Here goes:

Hey everyone! I'm really excited to be back and speaking to you guys today. I spoke to the classes last year, and I have to say, I have definitely learned a lot since then, so you guys are getting the better speech. My name is (anonymous!) and I'm going to be a junior at American University in Washington DC. Any other future DC students here? Yes? No? Awesome! What school? (bla bla bants). Okay, back to what I was saying. I'm a Political Science major, big shocker. I have a focus in American Government. I am also working towards a certificate in Women, Politics, and Political Leadership. I also have a big interest in foreign policy regarding Russia, and what I guess you could call military policy. Outside of politics, I don't do much. No, I'm kidding. I also like to run, I practice yoga, very badly, but it counts, I write a little bit, and I read a lot in my spare time. I also spend a lot of time on Netflix, but I probably shouldn't tell you all that.
Okay, now that I'm done talking about myself, I'll get to my little spiel. I'll try to keep it short and sweet, no promises, and then afterwards, you can ask me any questions you have. Before I jump in, I want to start with saying that everyone's college experience is different. You might get to college, and be like, wow that girl was totally off, what the heck. This is just me sharing what I've learned so far with you to give you an idea going into it all.
So I'm going to start off a little bit deep here, but I promise it's not all doom and gloom!
College is definitely a difficult adjustment for anyone. Even if you're staying local, it's really hard to take the same schedule that you've had for, like, 13 years, and just turn it upside down. No one tells you when or what to eat, no one reminds you about homework, and one I really struggled with, no one reminds you to sleep. It's definitely a lot of fun. But you have to be careful and make sure than the college diet, late nights, and forgotten assignments don't pile up. One big problem that a lot of people struggle with in college is stress affecting their mental health. I was going to bring all these statistics and stuff, but I figured it would be more real to talk about it honestly. Mental health carries a pretty big stigma for a lot of people, myself included. It can be very hard to come to terms with things like that, but I can now tell you guys that I've had problems with stress affecting me in college. And it's not something to be ashamed of. When I first realized there was a problem, I did the really smart thing, and I didn't tell anyone. Not my brightest plan. I struggled a lot with my academics, some other problems with friends and family and finances, and I like I was really going through everything alone. And that was really scary. I finally hit a point where I realized how much trouble I was in, and I reached to my academic advisor. God bless the woman, she's a saint. That meeting with her, I went through probably six boxes of tissues. But I talked to her and we made a plan. I talked to my parents and we made a plan. I talked to my two best friends, who don't go to my school, I had been neglecting them. I talked to them, and made amends. It was an uphill battle from there, but I think I did pretty okay. If there is any wisdom I can impart from that, it would be to be aware if your state of mind, because things like that really sneak up on you. And if you get into trouble, whether it be relating to mental health, academics, friends, or anything, always reach out to people. Your professors, your academic advisor, a parent, a mentor, a friend, anyone. Don't try to push through on your own. You have a support system behind you, don't be like me, don't be too proud to rely on them sometimes!
Okay, downer, I know. One more quick heavy thing, and then that part is over I promise. One other thing I want to make sure to mention is sexual assault. It is a big problem on college campuses. It's one of those things that's not real, until it it. I'm not saying don't trust anyone and stay in your dorm all the time, I'm just saying, be aware of your surroundings, who you're with, where you're going, all the usual stuff. You can never be too careful. Watch out for yourself and your friends. And if something does happen, definitely reach out someone you trust.
Now that I've thoroughly depressed you all, I want to say, I promise, college isn't like some black hole. Despite all the scary deep stuff I just talked about, college has been the greatest experience of my life. It is full of amazing opportunities and great new experience, and you should take advantage of every one of them. I was definitely a comfort-zone kind of girl before college. Okay, well, I still am a little bit, but because I have tried new things and met new people and had new experiences, I was able to see a whole new world. Definitely use your professors as a resource. If you have a cool professor, go to their office hours. Even just to talk to them about the latest Game of Thrones episode. Professors are actually pretty cool, believe it or not. Taking new or different classes can be a great experience. A friend of mine found her mentor in a professor that we both had last fall. My friend now minors in that class area and absolutely loves it. Me? I learned that it's not exactly my cup of tea. And that's okay! College is definitely a time to try new things. Talk to people. Go to club meetings. Though club connections, I met Karl Rove, I went to Kentucky, I spent a week in Chicago, I debated on a panel, I even started my own campus organization!. You can experience so many amazing things with some amazing new people just by trying out a new club. And if it's not your thing, you don't have to go again!
So the last big point of my spiel is that anything can be an adventure. I'm that person who will text my friends at all hours saying, Hey, wanna go on an adventure? And my 'adventures' can be anything from going into the city to the Korean War Memorial for a three hour sunset study to running out to get milk at one in the morning to monumenting and laying in the empty Lincoln Memorial in the middle of the night in February. We had so much fun and saw the weirdest and coolest and most interesting things. If you don't believe me, one time we went down to get milk and on the way back, someone drove by us with their windows down, music blaring. And the song playing was Wonderwall. I swear to God, it was Wonderwall at 1 AM on a Tuesday night. And we laughed so hard, we sat on the ground and cried. So, yeah, anything can be an adventure if you're willing to make it one.
I'm sure you're all tired of hearing me talk by now, so I'll close it up. College can be the best years of your life (wow, cliche much?). But you have to put in a little effort too. I so, so encourage everyone of you to go out and try new things and experience life to its fullest. Just remember to do your homework occasionally, or else it can catch up with you. And if it does, it's not the end of the world, even though it might seem like it at that time. Before you guys start with the questions, I just want to let you know I put my info up on the board. it's just my name, my email, and my phone number. If you have any other questions you didn't want to ask here or think of later or if you just want to say hi, you can email me or text me or I don't know, stalk me on Facebook or something. I'm always around, just let me know who you are first.
Okay, I'm finally done now. So I'll take any question you guys have, you can ask me about anything you'd like.



Wow okay, that was a lot. I'll be speaking to three AP English classes and this it'll be something along these lines. What would you add? Take out? Let me know what you think, I definitely need some constructive criticisms here!

I'm finishing this post super late, so I've got to get going. Until next time,

Writing to you from M, Personally



6:00 AM
Hey everybody, just a couple of quick bits before I get to today's post. The next couple of weeks are going to be pretty sparse thanks to assignment-overload before finals, so that's one forewarning on there. Also, I usually post on Sundays and Tuesdays. With schedule's changing for exams and heading back home for break, those times are in a bit of flux. I'm going to be stopping the Sunday SOTU posts, but will still be posting twice a week. The SOTU posts were way more involved than I had expected them to be. I'll eventually make my way back to writing them, but I think it's for the best right now. I'm aiming for regular blog posts on Tuesday and Friday mornings, trying those days on for size. It's really just to make it all a bit easier for me. Moving on though, back to your regularly scheduled post! 

Three years ago, if you had told me that I would be meditating almost daily and doing yoga 2-3 times a week, I would have called you crazy. I used to be super anti-yoga. I thought it was just a trendy fad for rich middle-aged women. You know, the ones who always go yoga and plates just for the hot-as-all-heck teachers. In my mind, yoga was a waste of time.

Two and a half years ago, I nearly broke my shoulder at a riding lesson. It had been partially dislocated, rolled back into place, and then used for the rest of the ride. After visiting everybody's favorite place, the local ER, I was given a sling for a few weeks. Months later, I was still having regular pain in my shoulders with use and changing weather. I should have gone to get the MRI like the doctor said. Instead, I just kept working through the pain.

A year and a half ago, I was unable to do certain workouts because of the stabbing pains in my shoulders. Any arm workout was out the window. Even longer runs made it ache for days. I knew it was time for me to do something about it.

That same summer, I was invited to a yoga class by a friend. Little did I know, it was an advanced hot yoga class. And it was probably the longest flipping hour of my life. I hated it at first. I was sweaty, challenged, frustrated, and about 10 minutes in Down Dog, my arm felt like it was about to fall off. But I persevered through the class, and the next 40 minutes flew by. The rest of the class was doing more advanced twists and inversions, as the competitive soul I am, I certainly wasn't going to be left behind! In that first class, I learned how to communicate with my body, I was learning to better control muscles that I didn't even know I had. By the final stretches at the end of the class, I was doing things I hadn't done since middle school, most exceptionally touching my toes. It was a big deal for me. As the class was winding down, we moved into a meditation for ten minutes. I couldn't have rolled my eyes up into my head any further. I was a strong believer that meditation was a complete waste of time. But, having paid for the class, I was going to make the most of that. It wasn't a difficult meditation, just Savasana, corpse pose. As we lay there, I became vividly aware of the sweat covering every inch of me. All of the sudden, I was absolutely dying. Then out of seemingly nowhere, a cool wet cloth appeared on my face. Not expecting it, I nearly jumped out of my skin. It felt great as the room slowly cooled down, being the last class of the night.

The next day, I was in pain pretty much everywhere. All those muscles I was using? Oh yeah, definitely felt all of those the next day. But I was hooked. From then on I've tried to do yoga whenever I could. Classes in DC are pretty pricey, so my go to is Brett Larkin's free classes on YouTube. I aim for 1-3 classes per week, usually two classes every Wednesday morning, one of which ends with some sort of meditation.

Now that I'm doing yoga more often though, I've been dying to get some new yoga gear, from mats to pants and everything in between.


Yoga Post!





I ventured onto Polyvore to out my wishlist all in one image. The Manduka Flux legging is a personal favorite of the whole list, I love the ribbons at the bottom! The Cancer muscle tee from Confused Girl in the City is great because 1) its cute, 2) I can wear it for anything, not just working out, and 3) it totally indulges my secret love for astrology. The weird bean-shaped thing is a meditation cushion from Gaiam. I really want to try to meditate more often, and this cushion really serves a double purpose. My yoga mat is super thick, so it's comfortable for yoga on pretty much every surface. But for meditation, I like to have a little extra cushion. I've tried sitting on a towel, but that doesn't cut it. A cushion is just a little bit of extra comfort for meditation! The crescent shape is also really great, helps adjust my seat, that way my knees are sort of below my hips when I sit Indian style.

Speaking of which, the room is empty, so I've got to get my yoga in for today! Until next time,

Writing to you from M, Personally
Namaste!
brett
6:00 AM
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